[Verse 1: Howlin Pelle]
I bought no gift this year
And I slept with your sister
I know I should have thought twice
Before I kissed her
But with the year we had last
And the dress that she wore
I just went along for the ride
And I came back for more
And I'm sorry baby...

[Interlude: Cyndi]
That's all OK honey, cause see...

[Verse 2: Cyndi]
I bought no tree this year
And I slept with your brother
I wrecked your Daddy's car
And went down on your Mother
I set your record collection on fire
And said I never knew
Felt kind of bad about that
And I know you did too

[Pre-Chorus: Cyndi and Both]
So whatever you say, it's all fine by me
Who the fuck anyway wants a Christmas tree
Cause the snow keeps on fallin'
Even though we were bad
It'll cover the filth
We should both just be glad
[Chorus: Both]
And spend spend spend this Chris-Christmas together

[Verse 3: Howlin Pelle and Cyndi]
I married you last year
Bet you thought I was sober, right?
But I was drunk as a skunk and I made a mistake
This could all have been over

Ah honey please don't
Excuse your behavior
Cause I hired a hit man and changed your will
It's now all in my favor

[Pre-Chorus: Both]
So whatever you say, it's all fine by me
Who the fuck anyway wants a Christmas tree
Cause the snow keeps on fallin'
Even though we were bad
It'll cover the filth
We should both just be glad

[Chorus: Both]
And spend spend spend this Chris-Christmas together
And spend spend spend this Chris-Christmas together
[Bridge: Howlin Pelle]
Holding on without any reason
Cause something's strong this holiday season

[Pre-Chorus: Both]
So whatever you say, it's all fine by me
Who the fuck anyway wants a Christmas tree
Cause the snow keeps on fallin'
Even though we were bad
It'll cover the filth
We should both just be glad

[Chorus: Both]
And spend spend spend this Chris-Christmas together
And spend spend spend this Chris-Christmas together