There ain't no wings on a pachyderm, you're too fat to fly
There ain't no wings on a barnyard pig, you're too fat to fly
And there ain't no wings on your big ass and there ain't no wonder why
If you get on I'm gettin off, you're too fat to fly

Greyhound will get you there, you're too fat to fly
Bus tires will need extra air, you're too fat to fly
Who sold your big ass a ticket?
Lets all kiss our ass goodbye
Ol' butterball's gonna crash us all, you're too fat to fly

There's a box cart on a circus train, you're too fat to fly
They'll hose ya down if it don't rain, you're too fat to fly
Shovel out your stall twice today, I pity that poor guy
Them trapeze studs better grab their nuts, you're too fat to fly

If that don't work sit on your thumb, you're too fat to fly
Tell 'em when the asked "how come", you're too fat to fly
Hitchhike to Alabam', big ol' ham, with a banjo on your thigh
Till they throw some hay in the cargo bay, you're...too...fat...to...fly