Back before I was a movie star straight off of the farm
I had a picture of another man's wife tattooed on my arm
With a pack of Camel cigarettes in the sleeve of my T-shirt
I'm headin' out to Hollywood just to have my feelings hurt

That town will make you crazy, just give it a little time
You'll be walking 'round in circles down at Hollywood and Vine
You'll be waitin' on a phone call at the wrong end of a broom
Yes, that town'll make you crazy, crazy as a loon

So, I headed down to Nashville to become a country star
Every night you'd find me hangin' at every honky-tonk and bar
Pretty soon I met a woman, pretty soon she done me wrong
Pretty soon my life got sadder than any country song

That town will make you crazy, just give it a little time
You'll be walking round in circles lookin' for that country rhyme
You'll be waitin' on a phone call at the wrong end of a broom
Yea, that town'll make you crazy, crazy as a loon

So I gathered up my savvy, bought myself a business suit
I headed up to New York City where a man can make some loot
I got hired Monday morning, downsized that afternoon
Overcome with grief that evening, now I'm crazy as a loon

So I'm up here in the North Woods just staring at a lake
Wondering just exactly how much they think a man can take
I eat fish to pass the time away neath this blue Canadian moon
This old world has made me crazy, crazy as a loon
Lord, this world will make you crazy, crazy as a loon