I was sitting in a diner with a girl named Flo
She wouldn't say yes, but she couldn't say no
She said "Darling, can I get a middle man?"
She was engaged to a fellow on the layaway plan
But she carried all her money in a coffee can
She said "Darling, can I get a middle man?"

The cook looked over with a short order face
Dropped a fork and he saw Flo's legs
Straightened his apron and burnt my eggs
I got competition everywhere I go these days

Leaning on the jukebox, lookin' real good
Like Natalie Wood on a Pontiac hood
I said, "Darling, I think I need a little hand"
You see, I've seen my downs, I've seen my ups
I seen miniature dogs in coffee cups
But darling, I ain't never seen a middle man

Flo talked slow like real wet paint
She said, "A middle man's there when the other ones ain't"
He's got a left-handed manner that leans to the right
Sleeps all day and keeps it up all night"

I got an aunt in Ohio, a boat that won't row
Some veterans insurance and nowhere to go
And darling, can I be your middle man?
If I could get the money in that coffee can
I could open me up a lemonade stand
Send all the kids off to Pakistan
Make Flo happy, if I can

Jerry Mahoney and Johnny B. Goode
Are gonna buy me a house in Hollywood
Darling, I think I got the perfect plan
We're gonna save half a dollars and sell 'em to France
Buy us a record and learn how to dance
And darling, I'll always be your middle
Darling, go buy a griddle
Darling, I wanna be your middle man