[Verse 1]
When I was young and foolish
I thought that I would marry
So I fell in love with a pretty little girl
And her name was Devilish Mary

[Verse 2]
We had been married but a day
When all the trouble started
She combed my hair with a rolling pin
To make sure it was parted

[Verse 3]
Say I, "I think it's very nice
To have this fine relation
"Shut up" she says, "You'll do the work
I'll do the conversation"

[Verse 4]
She boiled up a pot of soup
From warn out shoes and traces
Says she, "I think I'll eat the soles
And you can have the laces"

[Verse 5]
She washed my pants in old soap suds
And sewed them up in stiches
She give to me her prettiest dress
Says she, "I'll wear the britches"
[Verse 6]
"By God" says I, "This is the end
I will not stand no more
"That's right" she said, "You've had enough"
And threw me out the door

[Verse 7]
So, if I ever more do wed
I'll marry just for riches
I'll pick a gal just two feet tall
That can't put on my britches