[DOUG, spoken]
Scene 3
The church on the hill
The roof is made of dirty thatch
In the corner, there is a large Bible
And on this wall, there’s a velvet painting of Jesus... crying
Monk, and evil man who hates God
Sings to his henchman, Young Monk

[BUD (as Monk)]
When I was a young monk
I tended to my flock
I prayed to Jesus, I helped the poor
I wore a nice monk smock
I did what I should
I was always so good

[DOUG (as Young Monk)]
Good

[BUD (as Monk)]
But then I met the devil
In a haunted German wood

[DOUG (as Young Monk), spoken]
Ugh, that sounds scary!
[BUD (as Monk), spoken]
It wasn’t scary
It was awesome!

[DOUG (as Young Monk), spoken]
Ooh

[BUD (as Monk)]
The devil was a lady
He looked just like my mom!
He helped me like a baby
And like a baby, I sucked my thumb
I told the devil I’d do what he-

[BOTH (as Monk and Young Monk)]
-said!

[BUD (as Monk)]
He said “glad to hear it!
Now kill your daddy dead!”

[BOTH (as Monk and Young Monk)]
Haunted German wood!
Haunted German wood!

[BUD (as Monk)]
You made we what I am today
[BOTH (as Monk and Young Monk)]
You haunted German wood!

[DOUG (as Young Monk), spoken]
Ooh, I have goosebumps!

[BUD (as Monk), spoken]
The story’s just beginning, young monk!

[DOUG (as Young Monk), spoken]
Ooh!

[BUD (as Monk)]
I crept into my daddy’s house
That Bible by my side
I yelled “greetings from the devil!”
And then my daddy died
It says in the Bible that you shall not-

[BOTH (as Monk and Young Monk)]
-kill

[BUD (as Monk)]
But I sure did it that day!
And I guess I always will!
[BOTH (as Monk and Young Monk)]
Haunted German wood!
Haunted German wood!

[BUD (as Monk)]
You taught me how to kill a man!

[BOTH (as Monk and Young Monk)]
You haunted German wood!

[DOUG [as Young Monk] (BUD [as Monk])
He is bad!
(I am bad-)
He is bad, he’s a bad monk!
(-like a monk only can be!)
He worships Satan!
(I worship Satan!)

[BUD (as Monk)]
The devil said he had to go
Back where he’s come from
But he told me, “Boy, stay in the Church
And keep the people dumb!
You’ll have more power if they think you’re-

[BOTH (as Monk and Young Monk)]
-good

[BUD (as Monk)]
But don’t forget the evil
Of the haunted German wood!”
Hey!

[BOTH (as Monk and Young Monk)]
Haunted German wood!
Haunted German wood!

[BUD (as Monk)]
You’re haunted!

[DOUG (as Young Monk)]
And you’re German!

[BUD (as Monk)]
You haunted-

[DOUG (as Young Monk)]
German-

[BOTH (as Monk and Young Monk)]
Haunted German-

[BUD [as Monk] (DOUG [as Young Monk])
Haunted German wood!
(Haunted German wood!)
Haunted German wood!
(Haunted German-)
Now it is the devil’s turn
I see a book? I’ll have it burned!
I’ll always treasure what I learned
In that haunted German...
(You’re so evil!)
...wood!