[DOUG, spoken]
Scene four
Gutenberg’s wine press shop
It is very late at night
The clock in the wall says, like, 2:00 AM probably
Gutenberg is working at his press

(as Johan Gutenberg)

Agh, I need a break

(singing)

When I’m at my press
I like to leave my body
Let my mind roam free
Think about my day

Somebody died, somebody cried, somebody lied, I ate stew...

And yet... there’s the pain
Of something nigglein’ at my head
I can’t forget...
And yet I can’t remember what the people of Schlimmer said...

[BUD (as Boot Plaque)]
I cannot read!
(as Daughter)

I cannot read!

(as Drunk #2)

I cannot read!

(as Flower Girl)

I hate Jews!

[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
Yes!
I hear you now, townspeople!
And I understand you!
I feel you inside me!
And I’ve got to do something!

(singing)

Here! I’ll take this clock!
What can it be?!
Can this clock ever teach people to read?!
No it cannot!
It goes in the trash!
Wait!
There might be something cool in the trash!
It’s just an old grape!
That’s not what I need!
Grapes are completely useless!
No! Schlimmer must read!
But what can I do?
All I’ve got’s this grape juice press...
(spoken)

Wait a minute...

(singing)

This grape juice...

(spoken)

...press!

(singing)

I’m gonna take this press
And make it print some words
I’m gonna change a press
Although I know it sounds absurd
I’m gonna take the grapes out
And put letters in
Put letters where ‘dem grapes have been
I’m gonna change this press
And make it print some words

[BUD (as Black Narrator), spoken]
And so, Gutenberg worked long into the night
Changing history to a boogie-woogie beat
You go on, Johan Gutenberg!
Invent that printing press for all of us!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)]
It’s the first printing press in history
It’s gonna print up books for you and me
It’s a printing press
It’s gonna print some words
Yeah!

[BUD, spoken]
Helvetica enters

(as Helvetica)

Gutenberg!

[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
Hello!
Look what I invented!

[BUD (as Helvetica), spoken]
What is it?!

[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
A printing press!

[BUD (as Helvetica), spoken]
Oh, it’s wonderful!
Should we toast?!

[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
No!

[BUD (as Helvetica), spoken]
Oof!
*Glass breaking sound*
My glass!

[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
Silly girl!
We don’t make wine anymore!
We make words!

(singing)

Ha!
Now that I’m done
Get ready to read!
This will be going down in history
Remember my face
Now there’s a glimmer in Schlimmer
And that glimmer is me!
G-U-T-E-N-B-E-R... G!