[DOUG, spoken]
Scene six
The Schlimmer Market
A stinky place
Full of rotten fruit, dead bodies... and antiques

(as Beef Fat Trimmer)

Donkey for sale!
Donkey for sale!

[BUD (as Daugther), spoken]
Mother, look at the monkey!
There’s a small monkey!

(as Boot Plaque)

I’ve got rotten fruit!
Rotten fruit and biscuits here!

(no longer in character)

Rumors about Gutenberg spread like the plague!

(as Woman #1, singing)
Hey beef fat trimmer
See yer choppin’ some meat

[DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer)]
I just can’t seem to chop off these feet
Four more steaks and I’ll have finished the herd

[BUD (as Woman #1)]
Well then take a break
And tell me, what’s the word?

[BOTH (as Woman #1 and Beef Fat Trimmer)]
What’s the word?
What’s the word?

[DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer)]
Well, I shouldn’t say this
But late last night
In the wine press shop
There was a light
I saw Gutenberg through the window pane
He was sweating, he was working
He was shouting his name
Now, I wouldn’t bet money
But I think it’s true
Our wine makin’ friend was makin’ somethin’ new
[BUD (as Woman #1), spoken]
Oh, really?

[DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer), spoken]
Well, you didn’t hear it from me
I’m just the beef fat trimmer
Trimming the fat off the beef

[BUD (as Woman #1), spoken]
I get it!

[BOTH (as Woman #1 and Beef Fat Trimmer)]

What’s the word?
What’s the word?

[DOUG, spoken]
Woman goes to buy some cheese

[BUD (as Woman #1)]
What’s the word?
What’s the word?

Well, hey there!

[DOUG (as Cheese Lady)]
Hey! I’m milkin’ a cow!
[BUD (as Woman #1)
Well, do you really have to milk that cow right now?
Cause I’ve got hot gossip!
It just won’t keep!
Gutenberg didn’t get much sleep last night!

[DOUG (as Cheese Lady)]
Is that right?

[BUD (as Woman #1)]
He might be workin’ on something shady
Or he might be workin’ on a special lady!

[DOUG (as Cheese Lady)]
A special lady?
I wish it was me!
I’m very attracted to Mr. G
He’s got great buns and he’s got great pecs
I’d be heartbroken if he’s having sex without me!

[BUD (as Woman #1)]
I see

[DOUG (as Cheese Lady)]
It can’t be!

[BOTH (as Woman #1 and Woman #2)]

What’s the word?
What’s the word?

[BUD, spoken]
Another woman sees Friend in a field

[DOUG (as Woman #2)]
What’s the word?
What’s the word?

Well hey, have you heard what they’re saying, mister?
Gutenberg’s got a girl!
He might have kissed her!

But I don’t believe it!
I think it’s wrong!
Got my own theory why he was up so long
He wasn’t making love or playing games of chance
Gutenberg was teaching himself to dance
You wanna go and spread that rumor?

[BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend)]
Maybe
But first, I gotta bury my dead baby

[DOUG (as Woman #2), spoken]
That’s horrible!

[BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend), spoken]
It... happens

[BOTH (as Man and Gutenberg’s Friend)]
What’s the word?
What’s the word?

[BUD, spoken]
A man is buying some apricots

[DOUG (as Gutenberg’s Friend)]
What’s the word?
What’s the word?

Hey there, man
I see you’re buying some fruit
Have you heard the news
About our friend Gutenberg?
It seems he’s done something great
But all we know for certain is that he was up late

(spoken)

Oh no! It’s Monk!

[BUD (as Monk)]
Say no more, my childless friend!
I’ll find out where this rumor ends!
I’ll head on over to the wine press shop
And if he’s up to something naughty...

I’LL MAKE IT STOP!!!