[DOUG, spoken]
Act II, Scene 1
An old timey bar called The Rusty German
The roof is made of dirty thatch
The floor is covered in peanut shells
[BUD, spoken]
Gutenberg sits at the bar
He is drunk!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)]
I am drunk
I have been drinking wine and mead
And now my face is numb!
Hey, Drunk!
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Gah!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)]
I can’t learn ‘til you wait to read
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Do what?
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)]
You’re so cute and so dumb
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Bah!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)]
And you smell like a piece of horse
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Hey, Gutenberg’s drunk!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
I am drunk!
For the last time!
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Oh no!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
That’s right, drunk!
After tonight, old Gutenberg’s not drinkin’ wine anymore!
I’m drinkin’ words!
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Ya can’t drink words!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
Not so fast there, drunk!
(singing)
Words...
Can take on any form or shape
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Bah ha! You’ve gone insane!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
No!
(singing)
Words...
Are like wine from a better grape
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Huh?
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
The grape of your brain!
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Oh!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)]
Words taste so sweet
[BUD (as Drunk #2)]
With ice, they’re just neat!
[BOTH (as Johan Gutenberg and Drunk #2)]
Nothing can compete
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)]
I’m gonna get drunk off of words
I’m gonna come home late
I’m gonna stink of words
[BOTH (as Johan Gutenberg and Drunk #2)]
Wine is awfully fine
But really, wine is just a word
Words, words, words
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
I’m gonna go get a drink!
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
See ya!
[DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken]
Hey, what’s happenin’?
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Aye, Gutenberg is talkin’ about gettin’ drunk...
Off of words!
[DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken]
That sounds stupid!
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
It’s not!
Words make ya feel all tingly inside!
[DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken]
But that’s what alcohol does!
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
Yes, but words do it without that cripplin’ chemical addiction!
[DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken]
That’s the part I don’t like!
[BUD (as Drunk #2)]
Well then pull up a seat
[DOUG (as Drunk #1)]
This is a treat
[BOTH (as Drunk #1 and Drunk #2)]
Guess we should repeat
We’re gonna get drunk off of words
[BUD (as Drunk #2), spoken]
I’m gonna start a fight!
[DOUG (as Drunk #1), spoken]
I’m gonna vomit words!
[BOTH (as Drunk #1 and Drunk #2)]
Wine is awfully fine
But really, wine is just a word
Words, words, words
[BUD, spoken]
Helvetica enters
(as Helvetica)
Gutenberg
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
What?
[BUD (as Helvetica)]
I’ve got to say...
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
Hey!
[BUD (as Helvetica)]
Can I get a second chance?
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
I dunno what you’re talkin’ about
[BUD (as Helvetica)]
I’ve done something really awful!
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg)]
Come on Helvetica
Let’s dance!
[BUD, spoken]
Gutenberg holds Helvetica close
(as Helvetica)
Hello
I... I don’t understand
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
Wine can make you do... crazy things
You’re fired!
[BUD (as Helvetica), spoken]
What?
[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
I’m firing you as my grape stomper
But I wanna hire you... as my wife!
[BUD (as Helvetica), spoken]
Oh Gutenberg, I...
I can’t!
I’ve done something awful!
[DOUG, spoken]
Helvetica leaves the bar in a tizzy
(as Johan Gutenberg)
Where are you going?
Where are you going?!
[BUD, spoken]
Dance break!
[DOUG, spoken]
The entire cast rushes onstage
And Gutenberg is sucked into the madness
[BUD, spoken]
Some do wild leaps in the air!
[DOUG, spoken]
Some do flips!
[BUD, spoken]
Some do somersaults!
[DOUG, spoken]
Some do handstands!
[BUD, spoken]
Some chicken fight in the corner!
[DOUG, spoken]
While the old black narrator soars above it all!
The entire cast joins hands
To form a chorus line!
[BOTH (as All)]
We’re gonna get drunk off of words
Someone else should drive
Because we’re drunk off words
Wine is awfully fine
But really, wine is just a word
Words!
Words!
Words!
