Mark Kozelek
With a Sort of Grace I Went to the Bathroom to Cry
My friend Theresa, she's been in a lot of pain
Was there recently, had took up all the space in my brain
She lives there, by a cornfield
So was it the spray or was it the medication she took to get herself through her day
We got into her car and we drove around
The Ohio roads that were flooded with rain on the ground
We got into a car and we drove around
“Teaser and the Firecat” and “Tea For the Tillerman” were in the background
When I was a kid, I kept toads and garter snakes
In the window well and they drowned when it rained
Before the snow came down in the winter
I dug a hole for my box turtle
He'd hibernate until Spring I'd come and get him
And I took her picture near a red fire hydrant near an old barn
And then we ate at Eadie's Fish House in North Canton
And that night we watched Jimmy Buffet on Jimmy Fallon
And I went to sleep on her couch while she walked off to her bedroom
And I kissed her goodnight
And I looked at her tired eyes
With a sort of grace I walked to the toilet to cry
Because I remember when we were just young
Just young, young little kids
Before the heaviness of life took over every fucking thing
Because I remember when we were just young
Young, young little kids
Playing the Ouija board on a yellow card table in her mother's basement
And when I'm walking down the Ohio roads
I remember all the turtles and snakes and the frogs and the toads
And all the ponds and lakes, the records and 8-track tapes
I loved Emerson Lake and Palmer's Brain Salad Surgery but Eric Clapton's Slowhand gave me a fucking headache
And as I walk around the block that you live on
I see poetry in every inch of it
I see lightning bugs flicker at dusk
In the overgrown weeds at house being foreclosed on
And I walk over to the church at the intersection
Fluorescent blue painted handicapped parking spaces
And at the side of the road I see a dead groundhog laying on his back
And I walk over to him and there's another groundhog nearby in the weeds
Breathing fast like he's having a panic attack
My friend Theresa she's been in so much pain
When I visit her, I do my best not to bitch or complain
So I goof around and I like to tell her dumb jokes
But underneath it all I've got a gnawing fear deep in my bones
Because someone I love is so sick and so tired and weak
I want to make her laugh because everything's been so goddamn fucking bleak
But I'm here to give her my love when and while I can
Because I gotta go back to work like any other working man
And I went out tonight and I got her Kraus' pizza
Anything I could do for my beloved friend Theresa
And I got her a brand new bed cause her back's so fucking bad
I went to a department store and picked it out with my dad
I love you, love you, love you, love you Theresa
And I'm really sorry that I gotta leave you
I always knew you wanted to play and sing
I always knew you'd leave Ohio and cross a bunch of oceans and seas
But there is no sound I love more or that is more healing
Then when I close my eyes and you sing personally to my kids and me
And as I walk around the block you live on
It smells so much like our childhood
It smells so much like our old neighborhood
I remember when I first heard Led Zeppelin's "Tea For One"
Laying by my bedroom window on Valium soaking up the warm afternoon sun rays
And in those minutes, hours, I was totally content
And I'll take that memory to my grave as one of my happiest moments
And I remember you swimming at Turkeyfoot
Me and my dad were up in his fishing boat
Tossing our lines out onto the lake
With the minnow bucket hanging by a stringer off the edge of the boat
And I remember watching the bobbers and waiting for a bass to take the bait
And I remember your big happy smile
While you were wading out there in the water
And that smile still graces your face
And the faces of your beautiful young daughters