I know this song sounds like a 70's TV Show theme
Maybe because me and the guy who are playing it are 49 and 53
Maybe we watched a lot of Welcome Back, Kotter and maybe we watched a lot of Sanford and Son
Maybe we watched a lot of Three's Company or Family Ties or maybe a lot of Brady Bunch or whatever that one was with the re-runs

Aw man, who didn't want to get down with Marsha Brady?
Suzanne Somers or Valerie Bertinelli
Or Farrah Fawcett, Kate Jackson, or Jaclyn Smith
Nobody watched Charlie's Angels without having a favorite pick

All I know is this reminds of the theme to Barney Miller
It wasn't intentional, just adding a song on the record for filler
Maybe this song will cause you to have a wet dream
Maybe this song will cause you to connect with an actual human being
And maybe you'll hear this song when the sun is up
Maybe you'll hear it when you're down in the dumps
Maybe you'll hear it on a Spotify stream
Your girlfriend'll say, "Eww, you actually like this shit?"
Break it off with you and leave
Or maybe you've already turned this song off
Or maybe you're playing it and going, "Check this out, boss."

Maybe you can't relate to this song
Maybe you're a millennial and you don't know the references at all
Maybe you'll hear it and say, "I prefer your older songs."
Or maybe the world has changed and I'm not that songwriter anymore
Sitting around, moping about the hardships of being twenty-four (being twenty-four)
I've heard old that stuff, that's great, and it's available at the Amazon store (the Amazon store)
If you like those steel-string guitar sounds and those old slow beats (those old slow beats)
That's cool, but be careful when you're walking across the street (across the street)
With those headphones in those inner cities (the inner city)
A car might hit you, you might get mugged by a thief and you'll wish that you had a clue (you had a clue)
Or you might fall asleep playing this album in the background
Thinking okay (?), this is a pretty nice sound (pretty nice sound)
And then maybe by the time it's about two or three (two or three)
You'll find yourself deep asleep, having a trippy dream

Just back from L.A. where I recorded vocals to the "Seventies" track
You can tell I spent a really long time on the lyrics, right?
I spent months on those, thank you
Anyhow, it's a beautiful spring day in San Francisco
And just as I sat down to take a breath, I heard something crash in my hall
I walked over and part of the ceiling fell off
And I was like, "Jesus fucking Christ, can't I get a fucking break?"
So I texted my building manager and she said a guy would be over to look at it
He came over to check it out and all of things I ended up hiring him to redo my bathroom
I've been in the building for twenty-two years and it's time for some new scenery in there
I told him I wanted a white tile with gray veins
My building manager warned me that he was colorblind
So I pointed to a marble top stand that's gray and white
He said, "That's brown."
I said, "No, man, that's gray
You know? Like your hair, man. Gray."
He laughed and said, "Okay, okay."
I said, "Hey, I got a little gray too. I'm not picking on you. But please just tell the guy at Home Depot gray and let them pick the color."
Fingers crossed that he gets it right
It was a long weekend and I went to bed and I just woke up from a long sleep
I dreamed I was invited to Farrah Fawcett's house
It was a big, beautiful house somewhere in California
There were maybe ten people there, none of whom I knew
Though Farrah was older, she looked just liked she did in Charlie's Angels
And she was kind and a wonderful host
Her house was enormous with lots of glass and light
And a nice open living room
I took a walk outside and all the land around our house was rolling hills leading to the Pacific Ocean
The land looked something like a cross between Monterey, Carmel, Big Sur, and Point Reyes
With beautiful orange flowers for days and days
The ocean was off in the distance a bit but I walked down there
And when I got the ocean, it wasn't the ocean anymore
But a river
There were two couples fishing who didn't appear to know what they were doing
One of the girls said she caught a fish but was struggling to reel it in
I offered to help and she gave me the pull and warned me that the gear had been rented
The line seemed like it was snagged on something
As I was pulling, I noticed a small boat floating towards us
Holy fuck, her hook was caught on a small boat and I was reeling the boat in
I didn't know why I didn't think to cut the line
I guess it was sort of fun catching a boat and everyone was laughing
When the boat finally got to the shore
It crashed fairly hard onto a dock
But not too hard
Of all things, a few people were inside
I entered the boat to discuss the damage with them
They laughed and said not to worry about it
That the fishing pole probably took more of a beating than the boat
I thanked them and when I jumped off the boat the girl looked petrified
I said, "Aw, god, I'm really sorry to tell you this but the boat owners want to sue. They said there's quite a lot of damage in there, many of their belongings as well as the motor and some damage to the back of the boat."
She began sobbing and I immediately hugged her and said, "Nah, nah, I'm just kidding. It's okay, there's no damage. They're super nice people and they even offered to give you a new fishing pole if yours was damaged."
She said, "Aw, god," she took a deep breath, then she said, "Let's just get the fuck out of here."