My name is Johnny St. Lethal
I'm 28 years old and I wrote me a novel
It's called Twenty Something and the cover is grey text on black
Like Belly of the Beast by Jack Abbott
And if you look at me and my book, you'll see that I wear my influences on my sleeve
The Beatnik poets, man, Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg and Neal Cassady
I sport dark shades and a worn black leather jacket
And project an attitude that says "Hey, I don't give a shit"
And I get more pussy than Vince Neil got in 1983
And I gave my book to Mark Kozelek at the front row in Philadelphia the other night and he high fived me
He said, "Hey, what's your name?" I said "Johnny St. Lethal"
He said "Wow, that's a cool name, man, you're my biggest hero
But your life is just beginning and you're just finding your feet in this world
And your shtick's limited to impressing 19 year old girls from Williamsburg
The sweet spot for a man lasts from about 27 to 33
And trust me, the magic dust starts fading when you're approaching 40
Right now the girls tell you they got a boyfriend at the end of the night, right?
Well, in your late 40s they tell you that information right up front, whether it's true or not"

Throughout my life I've met lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of people
But I've never met anyone quite like Johnny St. Lethal
He's on top of the world with his Adam's apple
And his Billy Joe Armstrong look and his black paperback novel
But Johnny kept talking during my show and hooting and hollering
So I gave him fifty Norwegian kroners
To trade places with a pleasant young girl down the row
Who was sweet and kind and mild-mannered
Right now, you're on top of the world, Johnny St. Lethal
But let's take a look at Johnny when he's 49 years old, people
I wish you the best, I truly do, Johnny St. Lethal
I wish the best for each and every one of us people
You could end up the next Oscar Wilde or Ernest Hemingway
Or you could end up like Lux's boyfriend in Virgin Suicides, Trip Fontaine
You never really know what's around the corner, do you, Cool Hand Luke? But truly, I wish the very best for you

A girl asked me once in Ireland "Mark, what is your dream?"
I said "I'm living it," I asked her "What's yours, since you asked me?"
She said, "I don't know, but that's a good answer", and we drifted off to sleep
On a magical night in Galway, and I remember her lips tasting so sweet

When I was about your age, Johnny, I believed in many things, but mostly I believed in me
Then the bullets started coming, that's when you find out how tough you really be
I've seen artists grow stronger and I've seen artists wilt in the heat
I've seen artists thrive like big magnolia trees and some die off like weeds
There are curve balls in life, Johnny, some are hell, some are mindblowingly beautiful
I've got a message for you from all the people down here in Austin, Texas, Johnny St. Lethal

We wish you the best, Johnny St. Lethal
We wish you the best with your paperback novel
We send you our love, Johnny St. Lethal
We wish you the best, Johnny St. Lethal

I got your book in my computer bag next to Bruce Springsteen's Born to Run
And when I get home it's gonna sit on my shelf with the rest of 'em
'Cause you autographed your book and kindly handed it to me personally
Thank you for the book, and thank you for this song, Johnny St. Lethal