[Verse 1]
Katy Kerlan was my first kiss
I was only five years old, and she hit me with her purse
I had braces on my legs, and I almost fell down
And from that day moving forward, I've been petrified of blondes

[Verse 2]
Oh, Patricia, she was my first love
She sat eight rows behind me, and I couldn't breathe
I gave her Pink Floyd, Animals, when we were in sixth grade
And it was on her turntable when I met her on Sunday
Her mom was gone, we were listening to "Dogs"
She reached down my pants and discovered I was bald
And when I touched her down there, she was blossoming and soft
And the next day in school, she ignored me in the hall

[Verse 3]
Shelly and Amber gave me my first taste
I went down on them both at Amber's parents' place
We were drunk as skunks and high on Darvon
And they gave me a bath and I stumbled on home

[Verse 4]
Mary Anne was my first fuck
She slide down between my legs, and oh, my God, she could suck
I went with her friend first, but I couldn't get it in
And when she caught me with Mary Anne, her heart was broken
Mary Anne got cold and abruptly broke it off
For a guy with sweatpants and a pickup truck
I begged her not to dump me, and I pleaded, "No"
But her body language told me it was time for me to go
The guy with the truck picked me up and brought me home
I sat down at my piano, and my spirit was low
But I pulled myself together, and I played a few notes
Now, I was the one who got their heart broke
[Verse 5]
I met a girl named Deborah, she lived on the canal
She made me eggs in the morning, she was such a sweet gal
And we went to Red Lobster and we went to Tangier
She had motherly love, she was warm and she cared
She was a beautiful girl, and she had a big heart
But I drifted away because there wasn't that spark

[Verse 6]
Oh the complicated mess of sex and love
When you give that first sting or you're the one who gets stung
And when you lose control and how good it feels to cum
And when you pant like a dog getting into someone
Oh, rejection, how it hurts so much
When you can't love the one you've been longing to touch
And they're onto something else, and it don't feel right
And you wonder if they're cumming together all night
The nature of attraction cycles on and on
And nobody’s right, and nobody’s wrong
Our early life shapes the types to whom we are drawn
It’s a complicated place, this planet we’re on