I was having dinner with a friend
I was telling a story and nearing the end
When his cell phone rang and he said, "I've gotta take this call."
So I waited for a minute or two
And then I did what I had to do:
I grabbed the phone from his hand and threw it against the wall
And as it lay there on the ground
I picked my leg up and I put my foot down
And crushed that evil thing to smithereens
Cause I'm a cell phone vigilante
So don't you take that call
When you're at the movie theater
Or shopping at the mall
And if I hear you talking about your boring life
I'll make it end right now so I don't have to hear it twice
Yeah!
Well, it used to be only crazy folks
Talking to themselves and laughing at jokes
That no one else but them could even hear!
But since the cell phone came around
There's crazy folks all over town
And it's like they're all just yapping in my ear!
And now that they've got text messaging
They're always thumbing on their thing
I don't know what they're doing, but it ain't right!
Cause I'm a cell phone vigilante
And you won't be here long
If you make your ringtone an annoying hip hop song
And if I see you driving with a phone at your ear
Next time you get a call, it'll be ringing out your rear!
Yeah!
Well, I went up to Jerry
And crushed his Blackberry
I went up to Tony
And I busted up his Sony
I went up to Phil
His Nokia I did kill
And who knows? You might be next!
Cause I'm a cell phone vigilante
So don't make me intervene
And have to clean up your bad manners
Through rough and violent means
So put the cell phone down
And take a little time
To walk all the way over
To a safe landline
And that way, I won't have to hurt you!