I took her with me
To the Christmas office party, mistake
She did a line and started
Spouting all her liberal garbage
Bro, I'm so ashamed

I never heard such shit in all my life
I hoped one day to mold you
Into the perfect wife
But you blew my hopes sky high

The bitch went nuts
Started talking about politics
In front of all my bosses
Bullshit from the Internet

The bitch went nuts
I'll never be a partner at this rate
Not with Jane fucking Fonda Jr as my date
Oh no, oh no, no, oh

It took me and a couple of men to restrain her
You should've seen her
When she freaked out and keyed John Franklin Jr's
Brand new Beamer
She called us bigots with her fist in the air
And as she did they all could see all her armpit hair
Now they think that I'm a fucking asshole

The bitch went nuts
Started talking about vegetables
To the wives of my coworkers
Yeah, cruelty to animals

She thinks because she reads books
She must be smarter
But now when I close my eyes
I'll be fucking Jimmy Carter
Oh no, oh no, no, oh no, no

Couldn't you have just nodded and smile
From nine to twelve P.M
Instead of telling your conspiracy theories
To all my bosses and all my friends?

The bitch went nuts
She started putting down the Christians
And all about what the white man
Did to the Indians

How could I know that she'd never done blow before?
She shouted, "Fuck Dick Cheney"
And then she puked on the Franklin's floor
Oh no, oh no, oh no, no
Oh no, no, oh no, oh right