Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
Bout everything he's seen and done
The voice of 50 years experience
He's drunk watching the television

You know he's been around the world
Last night he flew to Baghdad in his magical armchair
Cigarettes and a six pack, he just got back
Now the spit's flying everywhere

Hey, hey, hey, hey (Your Uncle Walter's going on and on)
You're back so late (Where did you go that you were gone so long?)
How could you leave me here so long
With Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter saw who fired the shots
He drove his chair in the cavalcade
He's flown from South Africa to countries where
They beat themselves on the backs with chains

There was a fleet of battleships
And one reclining chair
Headed north on the Arabian sea
Now he's back to he'll tell us what
He and his oldest boy Blair
They're getting rich with their mail order scheme
Oh, oh, oh, oh (Your Uncle Walter's going on and on)
We're so glad you're home (Where did you go that you were gone so long?)
But how could you leave me here so long
With Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter told me
Everything he'd do if he was president
Now what a perfect world
This world would be
If he was President now, but he's not

And he sees the children smoking pot
He knows that in a moment they'll be shooting up heroin
Teardrops in his armchair
A 50 minute lecture
Tobacco juice rolling down his chin

Hey, hey, hey, hey (Your Uncle Walter's going on and on)
You're back so late (Where did you go that you were gone so long?)
How could you leave me here so long
With Uncle Walter?