[Intro]
"Dear ICP
I was wondering if you could help me. Uh, I've been involved in a relationship for several years now, and uh, I found out that this girl had an affair with someone else, right? So, I wanna stay with the girl, you know, I feel real hurt over this
Um, what should I do?"

[Verse 1: Shaggy 2 Dope & Violent J]
Smack that bitch right across the lips
Cause she ain't nothin but a filthy bitch
Beat that freak in the head with a cinder block
Blacken her eyes, you lunatic-tock
Cause I really don't gives a fuck
Except when I'm tryin' to put her in the buck
Shit, I ain't said nothin'
Somebody left they load in her bellybutton
How you gonna say you love that
When her breath be smellin' like somebody's nut sack
I oughta smack you in your fucking head
Should've shot that bitch in the back with nothin' said
But you nothin' but a pogo (Pogo)
Tryin' to fall in love but you can't love a yo-yo
She'll run and fuck then come right back
Then I greet her at the door with a smack
Cause I'm psycho swingin'
Till you hit her singin'

[Interlude]
Loved my woman, had another man
So I slapped her in the dome with a frying pan
[Interlude]
"Dear ICP
I recently became involved with someone who I care very much about. He feels we should be having sex now, but I don't know if I'm quite ready for that stage in our relationship. I don't wanna lose him, but I don't know if I'm ready to give myself up yet
What do you think?"

[Verse 2: Shaggy 2 Dope & Violent J]
I think you's a dumb-ass bitch
In a minute he ain't even gonna want the shit
You need to shut your stuck-up mouth
Cause your pussy ain't worth the walk to your house
I'm tired of these dookie lies (Bitch)
You know your dream about his ugly-ass face between your thighs
'Cause you think it feels nice
All he wants to do is smack your ass once or twice
And make your butt crack jiggle
And stick his little ding-a-ling in the middle
I suppose you can wait for a weddin'
But ain't nothin' wrong with givin' up a little neden
But if you really wanna hold on to the coochie
At least let him stick his nuts in your booty
Or work something else out
Like, maybe let him chill with his nuts in your mouth
But if not, well thats alright
'Cause he'll just fuck some other bitch tonight, yo

[Interlude: Violent J]
"2 Dope is the mother fuckin' shit
You know what I'm sayin?
Bitches be lining up to get a glimpse of his nuts
And stick 'em in their butts
But only the nastiest, ugliest, Southwest sewer skanks
Be gettin to do the nasty with the mother fuckin' Shaggy"
[Interlude]
"Dear ICP
Yeah, I have a problem. I would like to know if you could let me in on some of your deepest, darkest secrets on how to enjoy longer-lasting sex. I would be much obliged. I'd really like to know."

[Verse 3: Shaggy 2 Dope & Violent J]
Roll a pound of chocolate Thai
And smoke that shit until you die
Piggity puffin on the sess
T-takin' off her dress
Slap her titties up and down
Do they bounce? (Yes!)
Good! Get some Red Bull
And pour it in her bootie hole
Did she yell "What the fuck?" (Yes!)
You did it right
So turn the bitch over and punch her in the eye
Some bitches like this, but I don't know why
But some will hit you back; you must watch out for that
Cause if you with a gangsta bitch, you ain't gettin jack (Aww)
How to keep your nut? Shh... I have a secret
But if I'm gonna tell you, you've got to promise to keep it
Get you some Faygo and pour it in a bowl
And let your nuts soak in it (What?) Just kiddin' (Oh)
That is all, your lesson for today
If you can't get it right, you's a punk-ass bitch!
[Outro: Violent J]
"Wicked Clowns, mother fucker!
Violent J, 2 Dope, you know what I'm sayin?
Chucky Motherfucky, Nate the Mack, Lay Lo
Fuck off, woo hoo! We in the motherfuckin' haugh!
Wicked Clown, Wicked clown, woo hoo
Get the fuck off me, bitch, 'cause I'm in the fucking haugh"

[Skit: Mike E. Clark]
"Um, I wanna talk to Violent J
I have a project
In which I think he might be interested in
Perhaps, performing on
It's a good, good, song
Good, wholesome country tune
And I think he could be perfect for it
Um, please have him give me a call
I am a Midwest producer in the local area
And I think this project would be very good for him
And his exposure
To the country community
So at my earliest convenience
Please have him give me a call
Thank you"