[Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope]
Hello, ninjas, ninjettes, my name is Joseph Frank Bruce Lee. I am the Duke of the Wicked, the Dead Body Man, I’ve been called Mr. Happy, I’ve been called Bullet, Florida Joe, Big Baby Sweets, Big Baby Chips, Fats Pepper.
That’s right.
In the kitchen at home, they call my Chef Jeff Joe Swanson. On carpet floors with padded walls and expensive equipment everywhere, they call me Dr. Punch.
(I didn’t have time to print the fresh, uh, speech out.)
My young homie life calls my Unc’. My two beautiful children call me Dad.
That’s right!
Ninjas call me J. Fans who don’t really know me call me J spelled J-A-Y.
Or they just call me Violent, which sounds mad whack.
I’m also—I’ve also been known as Mr. Diamond, Golden Jelly.
Some have even speculated I sometimes go by the name of Moon Glorious.
Purely, solely speculation at this point.
But I’d like to say that I’m absolutely in awe to be standing here looking out at all you ninjas, with the ghetto birds flying above us, at the National Mall—in two-thousand seventeen.
I can’t believe we fuckin’ lived this far to be here now!
You know, and you ninjas, you should be loud, very very loud, because you are the crowd—You’re the fucking crowd that deserves to be proud. Make some noise!
What up, Juggalos? My name’s Shaggy.
I, too, have many more names.
But unlike my boy right here, y’all know my name, so instead I wanna address you here today, at the march. Yo, to the Juggalos here today.
(Oh, shit. Wait a minute, I’m not good with this technology. If anybody knows a thing about me, you know I don’t know shit about computers. Nay-thin’, nothin’. Nada. I got my, uh, support tech here, my I.T. Guy)
(Like I know about fuckin’ computers.)
(There we go, alright. Now!)
Anyhow, to all you Juggalos here today, and to the non-Juggalos here today, hearin’ me right now, to the ninjas, hear me, to the ninjettes, hear me, to the regular women, children, and men, to the irregular women, children, and men, to all ages of life, from fetus to fossil, to all shades of human life within the entire color wheel spectrum, the Red lives, the Brown lives, the White, the Green, and the Yellow lives, to full-breed lives, to half-breed lives, and breed lives, listen. Wh—
I believe that’s "inbred lives."
That’s just how I say it, ‘cause I’m inbred.
All tones from the pasty, porcelain doll, fluorescent MJ bright tone lives, to the midnight coal oil-soaked void of light, dark-tone lives listenin', to the transparent lives, the sequence, emerald-green, hue-diamond blue lives, to the flashing strobe and pulsating and changing to the beat lives listenin’, to the homies, to the cronies, to the lowlies, to the phonies; we don’t judge or discriminate for nobody, for nothin’!
Everybody’s welcome under this big top.
Yeah, you should be loud, because you’re the crowd to be proud.
And right now, we couldn’t be possibly prouder than we am, to have you very people right here representin’ us, today, right now, here, at the Juggalo March on Washington D.C., Two-thousand, seventeen.
Thank you, mother fuckers!
Be loud, everybody! This is the crowd to be proud!
Yeah!
Hell yeah. You really should totally be proud of yourselves right now, ninjas, that’s real talk. If you can bend your backbones like Shaggy can, you should be up in one of them fuckin’ porta-potties right now blowin’ yourself. That’s how proud you should be!
If it’s too nasty up in there, you should be up in one of—one of these governmently-landscape fine maple trees, blowin’ yourself.
Or playing the National Anthem on your skin-flute, somethin’. Just recognize how fuckin’ dope you are right now, because you’re here!
You’re makin’ history, and you know damn well in your hearts,
We’re the good guys here today.
Real shit, you can feel it in your gut—we’re the good guys. We’re actually in the right this time.
If there’s a Holy Creator,
And you know damn well we believe there is,
If there is a Holy Creator, you know he’s patting us on our head right now.
And not the way a horny uncle does his nephew when he does what he’s told and keeps his mouth shut—nothing like that.
But, in the sense that we’ve done good for ourselves, and many, many others, who weren’t as privileged, as driven, or as lucky to be here, representing for them like we are right now.
I hope you ninjas remember this, for the rest of your lives, because it’s worth doing just that.
For real, this, this issue, this matter, means that much to us, as Juggalos, and we came here to do something about the problem, and you should be proud of yourselves, because the way I look at it, each and every one of you ninjas and ninjettes probably represents twenty-five thousand other ninjettes.
That’s right.
I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know where this is supposed to end with the Feds. I don’t know if they see the Juggalos as some sort of sheet, or testing grounds.
If they get away with this, what’s next? What’s—who’s next in line? But the thing is, they’re not gonna get past us! They’re not just gonna steamroll over Juggalos. Fuck that!
You know, maybe they looked at us and said, man, those are the world’s most hated people, supporting the world’s most hated bands, bumpin’ the world’s most hated music—they’ll be an easy target. Once we, once we officially silence them, and shut their mouths, that’ll be our first step toward who knows what? Censorship? All-around fuckin’ brain control? I don’t know what!
But it ain’t gonna happen. It ain’t goin’ down like that, my friends.
I don’t know if they had—I don’t know who they had set in their sights next. Macklemore?
I don’t know.
But they ain’t gonna meet whoever they had in their sights next, because they awoke a sleeping giant!
And it’s more than just Juggalos that are pissed about this. Good America’s actually pissed about this. America’s come farther than I think they realized. A lot of people don’t want discrimination in this country anymore, man!
They don’t want bullshit racism.
They don’t want hate.
That shit’s played out’n ancient, man.
And I have a feel—I feel like today, we’re representin’ a lot of that bullshit. We’re representing the force against it.
So we’re standin’ for a lot more than our own problem at hand, because, like I said, if they get away with this, if they roll right over us, where exactly does it fuckin’ stop?
They don’t want gays marryin’ each other, they don’t want fuckin’ people sayin’ whatever they want in public on microphones like this.
They don’t want races goin’ to schools with each other, they don’t want rich minglin’ with poor, all that 1967 played-off, fuckin’ bullshit.
It’s two-thousand seventeen!
I said seventeen!
People want freedom, they want the right to make a choice.
They even want the right to smoke a little bit, uh, fuckin’ Hog’s Breath Martian grash if they want.
Look around you, it’s happening. Laws are changing. I thought things were going in a good direction, and all of a sudden, we took a giant leap backwards all of a sudden with this, and I don’t understand it at all.
But, people ain’t havin’ it. More than just us, more than just Juggalos, there’s people here right now that aren’t Juggalos, that don’t know our music, and don’t give a fuck about us. But, they do give a fuck about injustice and discrimination.
Let’s give it up for them, y’all, come on, for them!
That’s right.
Yeah.
But we’re making our presence felt, as Juggalos here right now, and it goes much farther than what meets the eye right now. They’re watchin’ us, all over the place, all over the country, all over the world, in fact. Ninjas, you’re being heard, right now.
Be loud, because you’re the crowd to be proud!
And don’t fuck up, ‘cause they’re watchin’.
That’s right.
They’re watchin’ us right now.
There’s a Feds—there’s a Fed watchin’ you right now,
With your face on close-up on his monitor.
That’s right. He’s got your face blown-up, full screen on his monitor, and he’s got the screen in-screen technology with a close up of your ass.
That’s right. And he’s up in a fuckin’ one-man satellite, right up there.
And in front of him, he’s got controls that look like the old-school Atari 2600.
I’m not kiddin’. He’s up there grippin’ a one-man satellite, and he’s sittin’ in a highchair-style baby-seat.
Pinched-off, tight as fuck, just waitin’ to rain shit all over our fresh parade!
Don’t give ‘em what they want! Don’t be the criminals they’re sayin’ we are in front of them.
Don’t be the thugs, the vandals, and the hoodlums they’re claimin’ we are—while they’re lookin’.
Be careful, be safe, ninjas.
That’s right, ninjas, this is our year! We’re here, we’re loud, we’re proud, and as they’re lookin’ at you with that close-up on their monitor of your mug, go ahead and mouth the words, “Fuck you.”
That’s right, and that screen in-screen technology, with the close up of your ass, and for some reason their third monitor has a close up of Psy’s Gangnam Style video pulled up on YouTube for some reason.
The point is they can’t be explained. If they could be explained, what the fuck would be be on a gang list for?
None of it makes any sense.
So ignore the fuckin’ fruity’ Fred—, Fre—, ignore the fruity Feds. And ignore the fact they’re watchin’ us. Have fun, enjoy yourselves, and be loud, with proud pride! Dignity! Whoop whoop!
Yeah!
The cool thing is, what’s beautiful is, there actually is members of the media, members in powerful branches of the press that actually have our back, because they’re not shallow. They’re not lookin’ at us for our latest album’s quality, or bullshit like that. They’re looking at simple, blunt, obvious, cut-and-dry discrimination, and they’re screamin' foul. Vice is here, give it up for Vice!
It’s crazy, but somehow Time Magazine has our back!
There’s all sorts of media that are actually siding with us, because they cry foul when they see it. Show ‘em love, Juggalos. Whoop whoop!
Yeah, we need it.
That’s right, Howard Stern gots our back!
You know the bottom line is, there’s an issue at hand, a very bold, blatant issue we’re discussing here. And whether or not you detest or respect the Juggalo subculture amazing and undeniable impact on America’s high-class fashion industry and the impact Juggalos have on America’s stylish trends, that’s not what we’re discussing right now. Nor are were discussing—nor are we discussing Shaggy or my own extremely unbelievable, Prince-like, multi-instrumental talents, nor are we just having another three-hour discussion of Shaggy—my brother’s—inhuman, damn-near supernatural, pinpoint-perfected, marathon-ballet-style, free-style dancing skills. That’s not up for debate right now!
What is, and what always has been up for debate, is the only thing we’ve cried about since 2011:
Discrimination!
Fuck that!
What?
Check it out, I don’t know about you, I’m not gay, but I would fuckin’ march for the right for two gay people to marry each other if they wanted!
I would fuckin’ actually march, for a redneck’s right for his neck to be red!
I don’t wanna take nobody’s rights away for anything they want, unless they wanna hurt, or be foul, hurt the feelings, or walk around projecting negative energy. There’s no point for that.
But everybody’s opinion is worth more than gold to me, even if I it’s not my opinion, or Shaggy’s. We still believe in the right to have an opinion.
Taking away—as you know—taking away somebody’s opinion is no different than sewing their butthole shut.
Do you wanna sew a man’s butthole shut?
I mean I might wanna watch what happens,
In fast-forward, but I don’t wanna do the actual sewing! The point is, fuck discrimination, right!
(Your turn.)
So, anyhow. The issue we’re addressing right now, is however, there’s many Americans who don’t fuckin’ wanna see anymore played-out, nineteen-sixty-fuckin’-four, old-guard, old-money, old-wrinkly red-neck whiskey-throat bigot bitch-boy richy dickhead douchery discrimination, and its played-out bullshit in our country anymore.
That good people, the hardworking people, the heart-having, free-thinking, moral-minded people are demanding better treatment for each other, on each other, in this day and age.
In this day and age, we’re talkin’ about the United States government, still doing this bullshit.
That’s why you’re here right now.
You’re in the crowd to be proud. You’re the ones that ban in no discrimination. Why the fuck would anybody wanna be on the other side of this argument?
Why? Where does the FBI’s side of the argument end? If it happens to Juggalos, if it, and the government’s th— gets away with this, commits such a blatant knock of discrimination against us Juggalos,
Then what the fuck happens to us next? What happens to everybody next? You never know. What happens to Jimmy Buffett’s Parrotheads?
What happen’ to Justin Bitchboy Bieber’s little Beliebers? What happens to Mariah Carey’s shit-head Sheep?
Our guess is as good as yours, but we ain’t never gonna have to find out. We’re not gonna have to see the what kind of censorship bullshit the Feds will put on American citiz’ necks, because Juggalos ain’t gonna have get steamrolled over like that.
The Juggalo family ain’t gonna serve as the guinea pigs for this insanely ludicrous discin—discrimination experiment on behalf of the Feds. Fuck that.
We Juggalos believe in all lives, all nationalities, all religions, all sexual preferences, all net worths, all ages, sizes, education, and anything, other thing, any other thing that separates us from each other, whether you’re talking about a woman’s fuzzy neden hair…
From little peach fuzz, to Duck Dynie-length—Duck Dynasty-length beards, it don’t matter.
Whether you’re talking about the size of a man’s butthole, from pinky-toe ring size, to Big Pun’s briefs—R.I.P.
If a ninja has a soul, then a ninja matters immensely.
Everybody livin’ should mean the world to us.
And check this out, the United States government should take a page from the Dark Carnival handbook on that shit right there.
It seems wisdom beats out, over intelligence in almost every case.
Intelligence is what you thought in your—is what you’re taught in your schools, special classes, and through training. It’s all very important, but the simple fact—
(Yes, yes, I don’t know how to do it.)
(Wh—What?)
(No, no, that’s where I’m at.)
(Right.)
And that’s all very important, but wisdom, wisdom is the skill only living through life and being a servant can teach you. Wisdom is only earned by having feelings for fellow Man: trying your best to be a good person, and being kind to one another on this incredible planet we share.
Wisdom only comes from learning the best, most efficient ways to make love not war.
Through doing your best to spread karma and love to each other instead of spreading hurtful rumors and lies about each other. Wisdom is only earned by living life, powered in committing good positive energy and actions to get yours. What do you want more in life?
(This is jumpin’ all around.)
What do you want more in life? Intelligence or wisdom? The gang’s FBI assessment reports are all in people. The Federal Burie—Bure, the Federal Bureau of Investigation's crazy, mad-intelligent profile, experts have computed the information compounded within its extremely intelligent ba—database system, and it’s, uh, and it’s all been computed, all of the program, pr—intelligence and the information, and it’s, it’s in its last.
It’s in at last, motherfucker!
(Ah-alright, I can’t read and scroll, you take it over.)
(That was some fuckin’ hellified reading right there.)
(Tongue twisting.)
(That was fuckin’ very impressive.)
Check it out, y’all! The FBI’s intelligence is in, and the database report is complete, and it says Juggalos are a loosely-organized hybrid gang.
But check it out, the Juggalos’ and the Dark Carnival wisdom report is in, as well, and that report says two words: Fuck you!
That report says, in the eyes of Juggalos, there’s no such thing as a V.I.P. We’re all very important.
Every fuckin’ human being is very important. Fuck your V.I.P.!
Juggalos, it’s simply put best by my brother Jumpsteady: I don’t give a fuck what the intelligence says. I don’t give a fuck what the intelligence scholars teach the Feds in law school. Intelligence is how to make a nuclear bomb. But wisdom is how not to use it!
Juggalos possess mad wisdom!
We’re a family, ninjas!
That’s right, and we got family at home, we’re marching for!
This may sound corny, but it’s real shit: love always wins every time!
And we’re marchin’ for love! Juggalo family love!
I don’t know what the fuck they’re marchin’ for, I don’t know what they’re talkin’ about, but we’re out here fighting for freedom, and Juggalo love!
This is our day, on our year! Are you ready!
Yeah!
We’re gonna march, we’re gonna be proud, we’re gonna be loud.
And when you leave D.C., take this with you,
Ah—take this with you, ninjas: the Juggalo family, and the WICKED CLOWNS WILL NEVER DIE!
LET’S MARCH, MOTHER FUCKERS!