[Verse 1]
I should not sit on this couch and watch Netflix
I should take pouty mouth pics for my press kit
I should defy the rules of logic
I should invent some quirky new merchandise product
I just want to rap good and not sell breadsticks
I will not become a martyr for the deadbeats
I will shave my beard off by the end of this week
I will go out and learn to socialize and figure out why all my ex-girlfriends hate me
I'm going to put this big brain to good use
I'm going to write rap songs to find objective truths
I'm going to be better than my father
I'm going to upload well edited pictures to Flickr
I'm going to eat a lot more Fig Newtons and sign petitions by women's rights movements

[Hook]
I don't make promises I can't keep
Which is why I won't make promises ever
And when I write letters to those ex-girlfriends
That's going to be the header
I don't make promises I can't keep
Which is why I won't make promises ever
And when I write letters to those ex-girlfriends
That's going to be the header

[Verse 2]
I wish I'd met you on Legends of the Hidden Temple
I wish Hegel wasn't so incomprehensible
I wish I was more like the Übermensch
I wish my fears didn't have such a putrid stench
I think my muscles should be bigger
I don't know much about Being and Nothingness
But I might just be a being of nothingness
I heard there's going to be a rap parade
[Bridge]
Come on try a little
Nothing is forever
It's got to be something better than in the middle
Me & Cinderella, put it all together
We can drive it home
(With one headlight)

[Verse 3]
We were driving and I yelled "Padiddle"
You started crying so I cried a little
I'm almost positive if I made better mix CDs
I would bother less with relationship complexities
You know, sometimes I stutter
Sometimes I forget to put on cocoa butter
Sometimes I wish I was better at song writing
Sometimes I feel like the master of thong wiring
In the future I will neuter my ambitions
I will give in to anxieties
I will observe superstitions
I will be Indiana Jones in small claims court
I will regret in high school that I never played sports
In the future I will be passive aggressive
In the future I will vote for the wrong guy
In the future I will be swayed by a strong bribe
And a very firm handshake and I will invite dinner guests over for ham steak
I will be gone before the rise of the oceans
I will become a squiggle in the string of quotients
[Hook]
I don't make promises I can't keep
Which is why I won't make promises ever
And when I write letters to those ex-girlfriends
That's going to be the header
I don't make promises I can't keep
Which is why I won't make promises ever
And when I write letters to those ex-girlfriends
That's going to be the header

[Bridge]
Come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than in the middle
Me & Cinderella, put it all together
We can drive it home
(With one headlight)

[Outro]
We can drive it with weak contrivance
We can drive it with weak contrivance
We can drive it with weak contrivance
We can drive it with weak contrivance
We can drive it with weak contrivance
We can drive it with weak contrivance
We can drive it with weak contrivance