[Verse 1]

Grow a mustache and try very hard not to hate yourself
Why break the ice, just as well wait for it to melt
Common sense indicates I'm a lot dumber than I look
But that clashes with another proverb about covers and books
Everyone knows people with curly hair are prone to stealing things
Honey, hide your wedding ring
My father drove a motorcycle but never learned how to downstroke
If I was a Lord of the Rings character, my name would be Browncloak
I can do funny dances and charm a few females
Disarm burglar alarms and write lewd e-mails
I can break your lovely head down into crude details
Package them with monotone and prepare them for resale
I'm the king of this castle, eating uncrustables
With a sweater collection handed own from Cliff Huxtable
At the beach with my baby sister conch shell hoardin'
Laughing, eating french fries, humming Montell Jordan
These tea dregs indicate some sort of danger
But that’s the life you live as an Airborne Ranger

Hello
To all the brown sassy ladies
Who are going to hear this and wish that i would give them babies
Hello
To all the dungeon crawling weirdos
Who think a primary portion of the food pyramid’s Doritos
I'm just down the hallway [x2]