[Intro: Milo & Open Mike Eagle]
I don't know why I'm always inclined to end on a happy note
Though the point may be moot
Like the 10 year old boy with his throat and his dreams ripped out by wolves
Fuck wolves

[Verse 1: Open Mike Eagle]
I used to throw these sensitive parties for art rap
No regrets, but I was foolish to start that
Sophisticated fuckers left a bitch of a bar tab
And now we just throw pizza parties
Where there's Game Boys for Tetris
A full sized, fold out map of Amestris
Milo decorated, now he's done, so he's restless
And it's up to me to finish up the guest list:
Nocan, Mega Ran, Castro
Sammus, Billy Woods, Busdriver, Has-Lo
Zilla, Green, Cloudy Oc, PremRock, NASA
And more, Grandmaster Caz, Van Gogh
Bob, Kurt Vonnegut, Prince, and James Baldwin
Mark Maron, Ron and Fez, and George Carlin
Bill Buckner, Joe Walsh, and Steve Bartman
An otherground ass pizza party

[Verse 2: Milo & Open Mike Eagle]
If Daniel Tosh crosses this party's threshold he will be tossed into a fresh bowl of pesto
Same goes for Cobra Commander and Destro
And the baroness unless she honors the dress code
No onesies, no mittens and no Gumbies
Chevy Chase can come if changes his old undies
If Jerry Falwell shows all hell'll break loose
I'll be in the corner hiding a mustache stained with grape juice
Mouthing how much I hate you
For all the world's problems you're to blame
If you thought this pizza party was catered by Herman Cain
Jimmy McMillan said the rent was too damn high
And somehow two dudes from Blue Man Group snuck by
[Skit: Milo & Open Mike Eagle]
Michael, we have a problem. Somehow, someone let Kai Green into this party
How do you mean man?
I saw pictures online of him having sex with a grapefruit

[Verse 3: Milo]
The heir apparent of sandwich island
The duke of this pizza party
My business card reads I strong-armed Steve Harvey
With a tear basin full of boy spleens
Friend of weird masons with coy schemes
Renowned eater of all things soy bean
In fact, I'm an after the fact conversationalist
This is where I make a Rob Sonic face for emphasis
Somebody left a dookie stain in the toilet bowl (oh my god)
Don't bring your friend who's known to eat the whole Twinkie roll
Mike brought a mix CD with System of a Down
And I have hydraulic pistons that steer my frown
No admittance if you like Ayn Rand and outdated modal jazz boy bands
We drink chocolate milk until our tummy aches
I love the oatmeal raisin cookies that my mommy bakes
Indeed, it's all so very glorious
Alton Brown was dancing to Notorious
This is my pizza party I make the rules
So at this point gravity stops functioning
In the very middle of this quirky luncheon thing
Everybody pulls out their yo-yos
I forgot to mention the get-down was deejayed by Shlohmo
But then Analog(ue) Tape Dispenser pulls out a lightsabre and cuts a dude in half
Oh my god! This is so messy, I don't think we have enough paper towels
But this uni-brow gives me a permanent pseudo-scowl
We demanded the party was catered by Pizza Planet
Someone was sneaking slices - Gentleman Bandit
[Outro Skit: Milo]
I could have sworn there at least were 3 more pieces of pesto-spinach-garlic pizza here
I swear to-
Who-whos...?
Nicholas are you sneaking slices again?
Yeah, it was Nicholas, wasn't it?
(giggles)