So therefore, if you understand perfectly clearly that you canât do anything to find that very, very important thingâGod, Enlightenment, NirvÄáča, whateverâthen what? Well, I findâyou knowâitâs so stupid, because even if I tell myself, Well, thereâs nothing I can do about it. Why did I say that? You see? why did I say that? Why did I go out of my way to tell myself thereâs nothing I can do about it? Because in the back of my mind thereâs a funny little feeling that if I did tell myself that, something different would happen. See?
Alright, so even that doesnât work. Nothing works. Now, when absolutely nothing works, where are you? Well, here we areâI mean, thereâs a feeling of something going on. The world doesnât stop dead when thereâs nothing you can do. Thereâs something happening. Now, just there: thatâs what Iâm talking about. Thereâs the happening. When you are not doing anything about it, youâre not not doing anything about it; you just canât help it, it goes on despite anything you think or worry about, or whatever. Now there is the point. Right there.
And remember, although you will think at first that this is a kind of determinism, there are two reasons why it isnât. One, there is nobody being determined. Now, other people think of determinism as the direction of what happens by the past; the causation of what happens by the past. Now, if you will use your senses you will see that that is a hallucination. The present does not come from the past.
If you listenâand only listen; close your eyesâwhere do the sounds come from, according to your ears? You hear them coming out of silence. The sounds come, and then they fade off. They go like echoes. Or echoes in the labyrinths of your brain, which we call memories. The sounds donât come from the past, they come out of now and trail off. You can do that later with your eyes. You can seeâlike when you are watching televisionâthereâs a vibration coming out from the screen to your eyes. And it starts from there, somehow.
Because we see the hands and then they move, we think that the movement is caused by the handsâand that the hands were there before, and so can move later. We donât see that our memory of the hands is an echo of there always being now. They never were, they never will be. Theyâre always now. So is the motion. And that that is recollected is the trailing off echo like the wake of a ship. And so, just as the wake doesnât move the ship, the past does not move the present. Unless you insist that it does.
And if you say, Well, naturally, Iâm always moved by the past, thatâs an alibi, and it completely fails to explain how you ever learn anything new. Thatâs why all the psychologists who are mostly behaviorists are completely bogged down in trying to find a theory of learning. Because, according to the theory of learning that we have, everything new that you assimilate is really only learned when translated into terms of what you already know. So in that sense, learning becomes like a library which increases only by the addition of books about books already in it. A lot of libraries are indeed like that. So thatâs what we call scholasticism.
So then, you become aware that this happening isnât happening to you, because you are the happening. The only you there is is whatâs going on. Feel it. And disregard the stupid distinctions that youâve been taughtâI mean stupid relatively speakingâand feel it genuinely. When you feel it genuinelyâyou get down to rock bottomâall that isnât there. Thatâs a game thatâs been erected on it. And it isnât determined. In other words, you get this odd feeling of a synthesis between doing and happening, in which doing is as much happening as happening, and happening is as much doing as doing. And if youâre not very careful at that point, youâll proclaim yourself God Almighty in the Hebrew Christian sense. Like Freud alleges babies feel that theyâre omnipotent. And in a way they are. I am omnipotent in so far as I am the universe, but Iâm not omnipotent in the role of Alan Watts. Only cunning.