[WILL]
I got to Kansas City on a Frid'y
By Sattidy I larned a thing or two
For up to then I didn't have an idy
Of what the modren world was comin' to
I counted twenty gas buggies goin' by theirsel's
Almost ev'ry time I tuk a walk
'Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone
And a strange womern started in to talk

[MAN 1]
To you?

[MAN 2]
What next

[MEN]
Yeah what

[WILL]
What next?
Gather 'round
Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go
They went and built a skyscraper seven stories high
About as high as a buildin' orta grow
Ev'rythin's like a dream in Kansas City
It's better than a magic lantern show
Y' c'n turn the radiator on whenever you want some heat
With ev'ry kind o' comfort ev'ry house is all complete
You c'n walk to privies in the rain and never wet your feet
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go

[MEN]
Yes sir!
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go!

[WILL]
Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go
They got a big theayter they call a burleycue
Fer fifty cents you c'n see a dandy show

One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty
As round above as she was round below
I could swear that she was padded
From her shoulder to her heel
But then she started dancin'
And her dancin' made me feel
Every single thing she had was absolutely real
She went about as fur as she could go
[MEN]
Yes sir!
She went about as fur as she could go

*Instrumental*

[AUNT ELLER]
Oh, that's about as fur as I can go

[MEN]
Yes sir!
And that's about as fur as she can go