[WILL]
I got to Kansas City on a Frid'y
By Sattidy I larned a thing or two
For up to then I didn't have an idy
Of what the modren world was comin' to
I counted twenty gas buggies goin' by theirsel's
Almost ev'ry time I tuk a walk
'Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone
And a strange womern started in to talk

[AUNT ELLER]
What next?

[MEN]
Yeah what

[WILL]
What next?
Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go
They went 'n built a skyscraper seven stories high
About as high as a buildin' orta grow

Ev'rythin's like a dream in Kansas City
It's better than a magic lantern show
Y' c'n turn the radiator on whenever you want some heat
With ev'ry kind of comfort ev'ry house is all complete
You c'n walk to privies in the rain and never wet your feet
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go
[MEN]
Yes sir
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go

[WILL]
Come here
Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as fur as they c'n go
They got a big theayter they call a burleycue
Fer fifty cents you c'n see a dandy show

One of the girls was fat and pink and pretty
As round above as she was round below
I could swear that she was padded
From her shoulder to her heel
But later in the second act when she began to peel
She proved that everything she had was absolutely real

[MEN & AUNT ELLER]
She went about as fur as she could go

[MEN]
Yes sir
She went about as fur as she could go

*Instrumental*
[MAN 1, spoken]
Watcha doin'?

[WILL, spoken]
The two-step. It's all they're dancing now-a-days
The waltz is through. Catch onto it

A one-and-a-two
A one-and-a-two

[?] Come on Aunt Eller

[AUNT ELLER, spoken]
Ahh!

(Sung)
And that's about as fur as I can go

[MEN]
Yes sir
And that's about as fur as she can go

*Instrumental*

[MAN 2, spoken]
Watcha doin' now Will?
[WILL, spoken]
Ragtime

[MAN 2, spoken]
Where you seen that?

[WILL, spoken]
I seen a couple o' fellers

[MAN 3, spoken]
Get out of here

[MAN 4, spoken]
Woo! I like that

*Instrumental*

[WILL, spoken]
Come on fellers see if you can pick this one up

*Instrumental*
*Shouts from the men as they dance*

[MEN]
We've gone about as fur as we can go
We've gone about as fur as we can go

[WILL]
Yeah