[Intro: Venus, Jupiter & Mercury]
A-one!
Two!
Three!

[Chorus: Venus with Mercury]
When you think you've got a problem
And your life is full of doubt
Remember, in the scheme of things
Your life just doesn't count

[Verse 1: Jupiter with Saturn, Uranus, Venus & Mars]
To you, a leaf might seem quite small
But to an ant, it's 10 feet tall
It's hard to be objective
So we'll offer some perspective

[Verse 2: Planet]
You think there's nothing greater
Than the planet you call Earth
But Earth can seem quite skinny
Next to Neptune's mighty girth

[Skit: Neptune & Earth]
Oi!
Relax!
[Chorus: Planets]
'Cause when you think you've got a problem
If you're thinner or you're fatter
Remember, in the scheme of things
Your life just doesn't matter

[Verse 3: Planets]
Now, the Sun can make us all feel small
'Cause he's the biggest of us all
But that's just in the Solar System
Bigger things than that exist

[Verse 4: Planets, Mars & Venus]
The Milky Way, the galaxy
And don't forget the universe
That's just the ones we know about
They're huge compared to you or us

[Bridge: Uranus]
You're tiny and you're minuscule, irrelevant, a speck
Upon the dark side of that rock, you're just a measly little fleck
Your life may last a century on Earth or maybe quicker
But up here, a hundred years is just a flash, a blip, a flicker!

[Outro: Planets]
So, when you think you've got a problem
When your life is full of doubt
Remember, in the scheme of things
Your puny, little, tiny, weeny, meager
Futile, worthless, teeny, boring, foolish
Pointless, minimal, wretched, gloomy
Bleak, and pitiful
Life just does not count!