[Intro]
*Thud*
*Yawn*
*Lighter Flick*
*Channel Switch*

[First Channel: Love Chat Line Teleprompter]
Ooh, you wanna have a fantasy tonight, call 1-800-555-DiC-2...
*Channel Switch*

[Second Channel: Wildlife Documentary Host]
Today on DiCaprio's World Discoveries, I'm here backstage at a hip-hop concert. I just spotted a gaggle of rappers. I see loads and loads of cash in their bags. I see guns with extended clips that don't even fit the guns in their trousers. So what he's trying to say: "I'm so tough, don't mess with me, I'm the baddest bloke on the block...
*Channel Switch*

[Third Channel: Demetrius & Susan]
Susan, I've found another lover
Well so have I, Demetrius, it's over
*Dramatic Music Intensifies*
*Channel Switch*

[Fourth Channel: Anchorman Jason, Anchorman John, & Witness]
Breaking news on DiCaprio 2, channel two, at two. Take it, John
I'm on DiCaprio Lane, Jason, in the Mirrorland casino where there seem to be two n***as about to jump ready to die, I'm here on the scene with a witness
*(Reversed Speech)* Them two n***as mad
Oh yeah?
*(Reversed Speech)* That shit was the first black president
Is that right?
*(Reversed Speech)* Barack Obama was number two
Interesting
*(Reversed Speech)* Alive, I said CDC (Do it!, Don't do it!, He's doin' it, dude!)
Oh, shit, there they go
*Audience Gasps*
*Channel Switch*