[Intro]
Watch this...

[Hook]
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say
I came up with more secrets to tell you today
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
So now I gotta give you part three of my confessions
First I told you 'bout the skank that I was cheatin' wit' (Wit')
Then I mentioned she's having my kid
That's not all, no, I recall more you see
So I give you part three of my confessions

[Verse 1]
Now this gonna be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Gonna tell you everything I left out of Parts 1 and 2
Like remember when I told you that I knew Pauly Shore?
Pauly Shore—that's a lie, I don't know what I said that for
I borrowed your Chapstick (from you) without asking
Oh, and I tried out your nose-hair trimmer, too
And, by the way, your diamond ring is cubic zirconium
I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one

[Hook]
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say
I need to get some things off my chest right away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you Part 3 of my confessions
Threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink
There've been times when I peed in your sink
Don't know why, but you and I should agree
That belongs in Part 3 of my confessions
[Verse 2]
Baby, forgive me, I'm still trying to figure out
Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout
Oh, and sometimes, in private
Really like to dress up like Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick, hockey stick
My boss thinks I'm a jerk, didn't get that raise
I haven't changed my underwear in 27 days
And when I'm kissing you, I fantasize you're a midget
I'm so sorry, Debbie—I mean, Bridget

[Hook]
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say
I got a few more secrets I'd like to convey
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you Part 3 of my confessions
Gave you buttered toast I dropped and picked up off the floor
FYI it was not a cold sore
Oops! My bad! But you'll be madder at me
When I finish Part 3 of my confessions

[Spoken]
You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this. But you remember that shirt you got me for my birthday? Well, I returned it for store credit. That thing was hideous. What were you thinking? Oh by the way, I wasn't really sick last week. I just didn't want to go to your stupid office picnic. Oh, and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of Rice Krispies, what I meant was, there was only enough left for me. Sorry

[Hook]
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say
I thought of some more things that should scare you away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you Part 3 of my confessions
Once I blew my nose, and then I wiped it on your cat (cat)
And I lied, yes, that dress makes you look fat
Anyway, I shouldn't say any more
'Til I give you Part 4 of my confessions
[Outro]
I mean, I'm just getting started here. I'm not even halfway down the list. This thing could go on for... Hey! Where are you goin'? Honey? What? Was it something I said? Ugh... Women...