INT. SALAMANCA HOUSE
Tuco is chopping peppers
ABUELITA (O.S.): Mijo! Mijo, are you here?
TUCO: I’m in the kitchen.
Abuelita, Cal, and Lars enter the kitchen
ABUELITA: I don’t know what to do. These boys, these boys…
LARS: Hey, hello, habla ingles. Are you the son?
TUCO: That’s right.
ABUELITA: Listen, I was driving and all of a sudden there was a noise. I think I hit him.
TUCO: Grandma, don’t worry, it’s alright.
ABUELITA: Oh my god! But they’re so angry…
LARS: She’s just a crazy old biznatch who ran over my brother.
CAL: It hurts so bad, it hurts so bad.
ABUELITA: You see? He’s hurt.
LARS: She broke his leg, and then she stood on the gas. That’s a hit and run!
CAL: She felony’d me. That’s a felony.
Lars holds up the video camera
LARS: I got the whole thing right here.
TUCO (to Abuelita): Let me talk to them.
LARS: Start talking.
TUCO (to Abuelita): Grandma, everything is ok.
ABUELITA: What is happening? I didn’t mean to…
TUCO: Isn’t your show starting? Why don’t you go upstairs and watch.
Tuco guides Abuelita to the stairs
ABUELITA: They say I’m in trouble.
TUCO: There’s no trouble.
LARS: Sí, problema.
Tuco shushes him
TUCO: Everything’s alright, I’ll take care of it. Turn it up so you can hear it, okay? Really loud.
Tuco waits until she gets upstairs and closes the door
LARS: Hey, amigo, what are you gonna do about this leg situation?
CAL: I need to see a doctor.
LARS: A doctor, doctor’s ain’t cheap, yo. It’s gonna cost. Either you or her, somebody’s gotta pay.
TUCO: You want money?
LARS: Yes!
CAL: Damn straight.
LARS: It’s no joke, what are the cops gonna say?
TUCO: Cops? They coming?
CAL: Uh..yeah?
LARS: That’s up to you, man. Cops could be looking at this tape any time now.
Tuco takes off his apron
TUCO: You called her...biznatch?
LARS: I didn’t…
CAL: Yeah, but whatever man. Hurry it up, I’m hurting here.
LARS: Show us the green or la policia’s gonna come and they’re gonna be taking granny away. She’s gonna go to jail. You want that?
Tuco reaches for Abuelita’s purse
LARS: That’s right, play it smart. Let’s talk dollar amounts. For what you did--
Tuco grabs her walker and knocks both the skaters unconscious with it
TUCO: Biznatch.
END COLD OPEN
INT. SALAMANCA HOUSE - ABUELITA’S ROOM
Abuelita is watching a soap opera in Spanish. She gets up and opens the door.
ABUELITA: Mijo? Mijo?
She walks to the top of the stairs and sees Tuco scrubbing blood out of the rug
ABUELITA: Mijo, que pasa?
TUCO: Nothing, everything’s fine.
ABUELITA: Are those men still here?
TUCO: They’re gone.
ABUELITA: I’m in trouble, right?
TUCO: No, everything is alright. They’re not going to bother you again.
ABUELITA: What’s that on my carpet?
TUCO: I spilled salsa.
ABUELITA: Ay, mjio.
She starts coming down the stairs
ABUELITA: I’ll help you.
TUCO: No, no, no! I’m almost finished.
We hear the soap opera in the background.
TUCO: You’re missing your show.
ABUELITA: Are you sure?
TUCO: Sí, let Mijo take care of it.
ABUELITA: You’re a very good boy. Listen, don’t forget to use club soda!
TUCO: Yes, yes, don’t worry.
She goes in her room. Tuco pulls his phone out.
TUCO (over phone): Hey, get over here. My abuelita’s. Bring No Doze and tell Nacho to bring his van.
Tuco goes back to scrubbing the blood when he hears a knock on the door. He sees Saul in the peephole and goes to grab a gun.
SAUL (O.S.): Open up, officer of the court! Open up in the name of the law!
The door starts to open
SAUL: Good afternoon, this…
A gun is stuck in Saul's face, a hand pulls him inside the house.
SAUL: Whoa whoa whoa whoa, oh man. I’m relaxed, okay. Non-threatening.
TUCO: You move and you’re dead.
SAUL: Alright.
Tuco starts patting him down.
SAUL: There seems to be a misunderstanding, is there by any chance a Betsy Kettleman here? I’m not sure if this is a situation where I should or should not look you in the eye.
TUCO: Sit.
He throws Saul into a chair and keeps the gun on him.
TUCO: Who are you? Are you with those red headed scumbags?
SAUL: My name’s James McGill, I’m an attorney. I got a call from some clients, something about an accident. I did not get any details. When I saw some skateboards in your front lawn, I assumed they might…
ABUELITA (O.S.): Mijo. Mijo.
Tuco hides the gun as she comes to the top of the stairs.
ABUELITA: Who is this man? Is he with the others?
TUCO: No, no. He’s a salesman. Grandma, I’ll take care of it.
She starts coming down the stairs.
TUCO: Where are you going?
ABUELITA: I’m going to grab the club soda. Mijo, I can still see the salsa you spilled. You can’t let it dry.
TUCO: Grandma, I will get the club soda, I swear. Trust me. Please, just go back upstairs.
ABUELITA: Okay, but I don’t want that to dry. Because once it dries, you can’t get it out.
She goes back in her room.
TUCO: Talk.
SAUL: I’m gonna make an educated guess what happened here. My two clients, Frick and Frack, the mop heads, were in a simple traffic accident. A minor fender bender, but maybe they were on the wrong side of the street or didn’t look both ways. It could happen to anyone. My clients, exhibiting extremely poor judgement, followed your grandmother to this delightful, well-tended home. Now, at this juncture I’m deducing that they said or did something that crossed a line. And you, with some justification, put them in their place. Based on the salsa stain there, it could have gone a couple ways. Bottom line, not to be morbid, but if they’re dead, I’m guessing that I’m… (collects himself) I’m gonna go with glass half full here and say they’re not. My point is, if they’re still alive, why kill us, because of a misunderstanding? Our own stupidity? Why mess up your lovely Abuelita’s place? Why jump to the nuclear option? I’m saying keep it simple. I will collect my moronic clients, and poof! We are gone. Neither you nor your lovely Abuelita will lay eyes on us ever again. Guaranteed. Signed sealed and delivered. Assuming, you know, that they’re still breathing.
TUCO: Wow. You got a mouth on you.
SAUL: Thank you.
TUCO: Get up.
The two stand up
TUCO: That way.
SAUL: That way? Sure, why not.
INT. SALAMANCA GARAGE
Cal and Lars are tied up and gagged on the floor. Tuco pulls out a knife.
SAUL: So I should cut them loose?
Saul takes the knife from Tuco’s hand and goes to ungag Lars.
LARS: It was him! It was all his idea!
SAUL: No, no, no!
TUCO: Shut up! (to Lars) say what?
LARS: He wanted to scam you, he said we could clear 2 grand easy.
Cal nods in agreement. Tuco raises his gun to Saul.
TUCO: You punking me?
Tuco cocks the gun back and starts walking towards Saul.
TUCO: Are you punking my abuelita?
SAUL: He hit his head, he doesn’t know what he’s saying.
Tuco takes the knife back from Saul. He sticks the gun to Lars’ temple.
TUCO: For what are you getting two grand?
LARS: For going after your grandma. Just for taking a header over at the corner. It was him I swear, it was the lawyer.
Tuco points the gun back at Saul
EXT. NATIVE AMERICAN RESERVE - DAY
Saul is thrown onto the ground with duct tape over his mouth. He sees Tuco standing over him with his three henchmen and Cal and Lars lying next to him. Tuco takes the duct tape off of his mouth.
TUCO: Who are you, why are you after me?
SAUL: I can explain! You’re gonna laugh, it’s… I’m a lawyer. Check my ID, ok, but I was running a scam.
TUCO: On my Abuelita?!
SAUL: Not on your Abuelita! Not on you! There’s a woman named Betsy Kettleman, I mentioned her. She’s married to Craig Kettleman, he’s a treasurer of Bernalillo County. I wanted his business. He stole a million and a half bucks from the county! He’s gonna be indicted for embezzlement any day now! This is a good case for me, a lot of publicity. I’ll get my name out and… Anyway, I thought if I had these two run their little skateboard hustle on Mrs. Kettleman I could, ya know, rescue her. Come and throw some oil and troubled waters and I’d get their business. That was the plan. But it turns out your lovely abuelita, she drives a car that’s a whole lot like the Kettlemobile. So these two geniuses ran their little stunt on the wrong one. Joke’s on me, ha ha! Simple as that.
Tuco gives a look to Nacho who starts walking away
SAUL: Where’s he going? Talk to me!
Cut to Nacho getting a toolbox from his truck
SAUL (O.S.): What is he getting?
Nacho sets the toolbox in front of Saul.
SAUL: I was running a scam to get a client, I made a mistake, that’s all this is.
Nacho opens the toolbox
SAUL: Oh jesus. You don’t need… that’s not… I’ll talk.
Tuco goes through the tools
SAUL: Tell me what you want to know! Who do you think I am? Use your words, ok?
TUCO: You know what I smell? I smell lies. I smell pork.
Tuco takes the wire cutter to Saul’s tied hands
SAUL: That’s not necessary!
TUCO: I know you’re with the heat, the question is who? Local, FBI, DEA?
SAUL: No, I’m a lawyer, just reach in my pocket right now! Right there!
Tuco pulls the James M. McGill matchbook out of Saul’s pocket. He flicks it away and puts the wire cutter back on Saul’s fingers
TUCO: Truth.
SAUL: That is the truth! I’m a lawyer! Guys I passed the bar, ask me anything! Eh, contract law. I’m down at the courts every day, people know me. I’m a known quantity, I am!
Tuco tightens the grip
SAUL: I’m Special Agent Jeffrey Steel, FBI.
TUCO: FBI.
SAUL: FBI, I’m undercover, ok? You got me, ok, I’m the tip of the spear. Releasing me would be the smart move.
TUCO: You hear that shit? (to Nacho) I told you the business was too good. I knew it, and I told you.
NACHO: Can I?
Tuco nods, Nacho walks over to Saul.
NACHO: Ok, uh, Special Agent... Steel?
SAUL: Jeffrey A. Steel.
NACHO: OK Agent Steel, what business are we in?
SAUL: Business?
NACHO: You’re investigating us, right? For what, what did we do? What do we sell?
SAUL: Drugs.
NACHO: What kind of drugs?
SAUL: Uh, it’s Title 21, schedule 2 through schedule 5 including part B, that’s what we call them down at the bureau. The task force is designated operation Kingbreaker.
TUCO: Kingbreaker? That makes me the king! WOO!
NACHO (to Tuco): Can I?
Tuco hands him the cutters
NACHO (to Saul): Alright. The next words out of your mouth oughta be the truth. You understand?
SAUL: Uh huh.
NACHO: Who are you?
SAUL: I’m James Morgan McGill, I’m a lawyer, I was trolling for business, ok, that’s the truth. Now you can find a Bible, I’ll swear on it.
NACHO: What about operation Kingbreaker?
SAUL: I made it up. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know you. I don’t want to. This was a mistake. It’s my mistake. OK, I take full and complete responsibility, but I don’t know any of your names and I got a bad case of face blindness, you let us go we’re gonna forget this happened. (to Cal and Lars) guys we’re gonna forget this happened, right? Nod your heads.
They nod
SAUL: So if you just let us go, we wanna just go.
Nacho walks over to Tuco.
TUCO: He said he was FBI. He admitted it.
NACHO: You had his wire cutters on him, he would have said anything. You really see the FBI hiring those two flaquitos?
Cut to Cal and Lars on the ground.
TUCO: Maybe.
NACHO: Croaking a lawyer for no reason is bad business. He goes away someone’s gonna come look for him.
TUCO: They walked into my house. They disrespected my Abuelita. They called her “biznatch”! And they just walk? Huh?!
NACHO: What about the lawyer? He’s giving respect.
TUCO: OK.
Nacho pats Tuco on the shoulder and picks up the matchbook.
NACHO: James M. McGill. “A lawyer you can trust.” (pulls a knife out) I know how to find you, James McGill. Understand what I’m saying?
SAUL: Yeah.
Nacho cuts him loose
NACHO: Up. Ok?
TUCO: Take him back to his car?
SAUL: Thank you. This is good. This is right. Thank you.
No Doze starts escorting Saul to the car. Lars and Cal start screaming.
SAUL: What about them?
NO DOZE: Come on, come on.
SAUL: Yeah, right.
Saul starts walking towards the car then turns around when he hears Tuco pull his knife out.
GONZO: Yo where you going?
SAUL: Wait wait, can I say something? Can you let them go. Just let them go.
TUCO: Are you stupid?
SAUL: They don’t deserve to die. I put them up to it. I don’t deserve to die, but they don’t either.
TUCO: I’m gonna skin em like javelinas!
SAUL: Forget about them, they’re insects! They’re… hey, think about their mother.
Tuco starts to charge at Saul
TUCO: I spit on their momma!
SAUL: She is a sweet little lady. She’s a widow! She works hard, all day, every day. Just like her mother before her, from dawn til dusk, scrubbing the floors of rich people. She needs a cane to walk, you know, she’s got arthritis. But still works everyday. What, for herself? No. For them! For these two! Her boys, the apples of her eye. You say they don’t deserve her? Maybe so. But they’re all she’s got. You turn them inside out I want you to think about what happens to her.
TUCO: No that’s on them, they should have thought about that.
SAUL: When I was at your Abuelita’s place you were gonna let them go. The way I see it that’s because you’re tough, but you’re fair. You’re all about justice.
TUCO: That’s what I’m saying. Justice.
SAUL: These two shit-for-brains, these big mouths? You already beat the living hell out of them, you think they’re ever gonna forget today? Never. 10 years from now they’re still gonna be crapping their jockeys.
TUCO: It’s not enough.
SAUL: Ok, ok, then let’s talk proportionality. They’re guilty.
Cut to Cal and Lars shaking their heads no
SAUL: Agreed. But now you have to decide what’s the right sentence.
TUCO: Like a judge.
SAUL: Like a judge. Ever hear of the code of Hammurabi? Let the punishment fit the crime? Eye for an eye?
TUCO: Eye for an eye? You want me to blind them?
He heads towards Cal and Lars with a knife
SAUL: No no! All they did was trash talk.
TUCO: So I cut their tongues out!
Cal and Lars start screaming again
SAUL: Wait. See, I’m advising that you make the punishment fit the crime.
TUCO: Punishment fit the crime. Columbian neck ties! I cut their throats then I pull their lying tongues through the slits! Biznatch!
SAUL: Or you could give them black eyes.
TUCO: Black eyes! (laughs) that ain’t nothing!
NO DOZE: That one there, homes? He already got a black eye, fool.
TUCO: Stop helping.
SAUL: Or you could sprain their ankles.
TUCO: Sprain?
SAUL: They’re skateboarders, right? That’s how they run their scam. They can’t skate. You hit them where they live.
TUCO: I ain’t spraining nothing, bitch. I’m gonna break their arms, and I’m gonna break their legs.
SAUL: Arms? When did we get on to arms? Let’s--
TUCO: I’m cutting their legs off.
SAUL: We could go that way, but we were talking about breaking. I think we’re headed in the wrong direction.
TUCO: OK. Break their legs.
SAUL: How many legs?
TUCO: Two, they got two legs.
SAUL: One leg. Each.
TUCO: One leg each?
SAUL: One leg each. Total of two legs. Hey, look. They can’t skateboard for six months, and they’re scared of you forever. You show everybody that you are the man, but that you’re fair, that you’re just.
Tuco rolls up his sleeves then offers his hand to Saul for a handshake.
TUCO: One leg each.
SAUL: That’s tough, but that’s fair.
TUCO (to crew): Alright, lay em out! I ain’t got all day, it’s hotter than shit out here!
Gonzo and No Doze hold Cal down
TUCO: Quit moving, you’re only gonna make it worse!
CAL & LARS: We’re sorry! We’re sorry!
Tuco jumps in the air and lands on Cal’s leg. We hear the bone snap.
TUCO: Hell yeah! Hell yeah! He said he got a broke leg, now he’s got a broke leg for real! Tell your momma you’re sorry, bitch! (to No Doze) other one. Look (points at leg) it’s backwards! (laughs)
Cut to Saul looking slightly guilty as Nacho watches him
TUCO (O.S.): Check it out, I’m gonna do this one real clean!
We hear another bone snap
TUCO: Woo! Walk home now, bitch!
EXT. HOSPITAL
Saul speeds through the parking lot with Cal and Lars in his car. He wheels Cal into the hospital, drops him off, then comes back to get Lars.
SAUL: Here you go, here you go. Easy, easy.
LARS: You are the worst lawyer ever.
SAUL: Hey, I just talked you down from a death sentence to six month’s probation. I’m the best lawyer ever.
Saul wheels Lars into the hospital.
INT. BAR
Closeup on a woman’s red lipstick as she sips her drink. Saul is making conversation as music plays over the dialogue. Saul hears breadsticks cracking in the background.
SAUL (to girl): Could you, um… I’ll be right back.
Saul rushes into the bathroom and pukes into the toilet.
INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Chuck is working around the kitchen when he hears the door open.
CHUCK: You ground yourself?
Saul walks into the kitchen, Chuck holds a lantern up to him.
CHUCK: Jimmy, did you ground yourself?
Saul takes his pants and jacket off then crashes on Chuck’s couch
CHUCK: I don’t think you grounded yourself.
Chuck puts a blanket on top of him.
SAUL: Jesus. Jimmy, you didn’t drive like this, did you?
Notices Jimmy has his cellphone in his pants pocket.
CHUCK: Oh no. No. I knew it.
Picks up the phone with pliers then throws it into the front lawn. He looks panicked. Chuck walks back over to Saul and sees the hospital bills in his pocket.
INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE - DAY
Saul is on the couch. Chuck is at the kitchen table wearing a “space jacket”.
CHUCK: Coffee?
SAUL: Yeah, thanks.
CHUCK: You’re gonna have to take it black.
SAUL: We’re out of milk?
He gets a look from Chuck
SAUL: Oh, sorry.
Chuck hands Saul the cup.
SAUL: Why are you in that space blanket?
CHUCK: You brought your cellphone in here last night. It was in your pants pocket.
SAUL: Oh. Sorry about that. Where, uh, where is it?
CHUCK: Outside. I threw it out the door.
SAUL: Yeah. How did I get here?
CHUCK: Your car’s not outside so I’m assuming taxi.
SAUL: Right. The bartender wouldn’t let me drive.
Saul puts his pants back on.
SAUL: Why are you in that space blanket?
CHUCK: I told you, you brought your cellphone into my house.
SAUL: Chuck, uh, did you read this?
CHUCK: Read what?
SAUL: Uh, this bill. Did you read it?
CHUCK: Emergency room bill. Yeah I may have glanced at it. Fell out of your pocket.
SAUL: Chuck, listen, I know how this looks. I’m down to my last dime and suddenly I’m paying for broken legs, but it’s not that. I swear. This represents a good thing, ultimately.
CHUCK: OK.
SAUL: I’m not backsliding. This isn’t “Slippin’ Jimmy”.
CHUCK: Fine.
SAUL: Take off the space blanket, will you please, Chuck?
CHUCK: It helps.
SAUL: Take off the space blanket, I didn’t do anything wrong.
CHUCK: It has nothing to do with that. It was your phone.
SAUL: Take off the space blanket.
CHUCK: Why?
SAUL: Take off the space blanket, Chuck. Come on. Take off the blanket.
Chuck hesitates then takes it off.
SAUL: Thank you. Front yard?
Chuck nods
SAUL: Do you have any idea where it landed?
CHUCK: No.
Saul walks out the front door to get his phone, Chuck puts the blanket back on once he leaves.
INT. ALBUQUERQUE COURT ROOM
LADY (over phone): No. No. No. No. No. No. (to Saul) what do you want?
SAUL: Not to starve to death. What do you say. Got something for me?
INT. COURTROOM BATHROOM
Saul flushes the toilet then washes his hands.
SAUL (into mirror): It’s showtime, folks.
MONTAGE
Saul puts money into a machine, gets his coffee, then walks into a courtroom.
He walks into a prison and confronts a client.
CRIMINAL: I’m gonna kill him!
SAUL: Your honor, I’m very sorry, and I’ll never do it again.
CRIMINAL: Say what?
CUT TO: COURTROOM
CRIMINAL: Your honor, I’m very sorry, and I’ll never do it again.
CUT TO: HALLWAY
SAUL: OK Mr. Pearson! Up you go.
Mr. Pearson’s pants fall down.
SAUL: Whoa whoa whoa, what’s this? I told you a suit, remember? Told you you want to look sharp.
He gives Mr. Pearson his belt
SAUL: That’s a loaner, ok? I need it back. Let’s go.
CUT TO: STAIRCASE
DISTRICT ATTORNEY: Petty with a prior.
SAUL: The kid took a slice of pizza!
DA: Petty with a prior.
SAUL: Look, the parents are a train wreck. There’s no food in the house. He was hungry!
DA: Petty with a prior.
SAUL: Come on!
Saul gets handed a check as he leaves the courtroom.
CUT TO: TOLL BOOTH
MIKE: You’re light on stickers.
SAUL: Come on.
MIKE: 5 dollars.
SAUL: You serious?
MIKE: You got four. You need five.
SAUL: There’s four ninety minute stickers there.
MIKE: You’ve been here 6 hours and 5 minutes.
SAUL: It takes 10 minutes to walk down here!
MIKE: $5, or you go get another sticker.
SAUL: This makes you feel real important, huh? Not enough stickers? More stickers?
CUT TO: BATHROOM
SAUL (into mirror): It’s showtime, folks.
CUT TO: COURTROOM
Saul picks up his coffee. Time lapse of Saul meeting different clients in the lobby.
CUT TO: STAIRCASE
Saul is eating his lunch as someone walks by him on the stairs.
CUT TO: BATHROOM
DA: Petty with a prior.
SAUL: Prior will stay on his sheet for life.
DA: Petty with a prior.
SAUL: You’re overcharging him.
DA: Petty with a prior.
CUT TO: TOLL BOOTH
SAUL (to Mike): That lady up there? She shorts me everytime, ok? This is not a me problem, this is a you problem.
Mike hands the ticket back to him.
CUT TO: BATHROOM
SAUL (into mirror): It’s showtime.
Cop at the sink next to him gives a look.
SAUL: It’s from a movie!
CUT TO: COURTROOM
Saul grabs two coffees and gives one to the security guard.
CUT TO: STAIRCASE
The police chase a lady trying to escape down the stairs as Saul walks by.
CUT TO: HALLWAY
DA: Petty with a prior.
SAUL: Misdemeanour shoplifting.
DA: Petty with a prior.
SAUL: Come on, meet me halfway.
DA: Petty with a prior.
SAUL (sighs): I can’t do it.
DA: Petty with a prior.
SAUL: Okay, or how about this? I plead the kid to the sheet, but you give me a continued sentence. And in six months, if he's still clean, you file for a dismissal. Come on. This is how you want to spend your time? You can have the rest of these.
Saul offers him the rest of his Frito’s. The DA takes them.
CUT TO: PRISON
GUARD: Berger. Lawyer.
SAUL: Mr. Berger, we’ve met before, haven’t we?
(new client)
SAUL: Mr. Edison, like the inventor? I’m James McGill. I’ll be your lawyer.
CUT TO: STAIRCASE
SAUL (over phone): It doesn’t matter. Judge has got to see your mother… Well do you know anyone who looks like her?... No, an uncle won’t do it.
CUT TO: COURTROOM
SAUL: OK, so a fire was started…
(switch case)
SAUL: ...we all know that.
(switch case)
SAUL: ...freezing, shivering, as she is now!
(switch case)
SAUL: ...in fact, wrote a book about it.
(switch case)
SAUL: ...to make some cookies!
(switch case)
SAUL: ...but because you…
(switch case)
SAUL: ...given her name…
(switch case)
SAUL: ...you can see this man…
(switch case)
SAUL: ...chose a bonehead move!
CUT TO: OUTSIDE COURTROOM
Saul picks up a check.
CUT TO: TOLL BOOTH
Saul hands Mike his ticket and waits. Mike hands it back to him. Saul gets out of his car.
SAUL: You’re like a troll under the bridge!
Mike closes the window.
SAUL: “You must have the stickers, or you won’t pass!” Troll alert here. Don’t feed it.
END MONTAGE
INT. NAIL SALON
SAUL: Chao chi c’ung, ladies. Good evening, Mrs. Nguynen.
MRS. NGUYNEN: No mail.
SAUL: Hey Vicki. Maggie.
He walks to the back of the salon and enters his office.
INT. SAUL’S OFFICE
Saul waits for a minute then checks his phone.
PHONE: You have...zero new messages.
Saul looks disappointed. He takes his jacket off, pulls out the pullout couch, then pours himself a drink and lays down. There’s a knock on the door.
MRS. NGUYNEN: Customer.
SAUL: What?
MRS. NGUYNEN: For you, a customer. Waiting now.
SAUL: Uh, sure, give me a minute.
Saul folds the couch back up and puts his tie and jacket back on. He opens the door.
SAUL: Welcome, welcome, my office is being painted right now, excuse the temporary…
He sees that the customer is Nacho.
SAUL (cont’d): ...quarters.
NACHO: Wow. Cozy. (sees Saul looking nervous) just me. Tuco freaked you out, huh?
Nacho closes the door.
NACHO: It’s cool, he doesn’t know I’m here.
SAUL: So, uh, what can I do for you?
NACHO: I’ve been thinking about what you said, out there in the desert. Those people that you were trying to scam, how much did they steal?
SAUL: Uh, north of a million and a half bucks. I think.
NACHO: So. They have a million and a half bucks somewhere. In what, cash?
SAUL: I don’t know, why are you asking me?
NACHO: I’m gonna rip them off.
SAUL: Oh.
NACHO: I like ripping off thieves because they can’t go to the cops, they have no recourse. You point me at where they have their cash, I’ll pay you -- what do you call it -- a finder’s fee. Call it 10%. A hundred large.
SAUL: Why would you come to me for that?
NACHO: You already tried ripping them off. I’m gonna finish what you started.
SAUL: I wasn’t trying to rip them off, I just wanted their business.
NACHO: OK.
SAUL: I don’t know where their money is.
NACHO: Smart guy like you can figure it out. If I know what I need to know no one gets hurt. We rip them off, easy money.
SAUL: Look, I’m a lawyer, not a criminal.
NACHO: You are shitting me.
SAUL: I crossed a line. I made a mistake. I’m not doing that again, not ever.
NACHO: I got between you and Tuco. Do you think you’d be here now if I kept my mouth shut?
SAUL: And I appreciate that, I owe you. And if you’re ever in trouble, god forbid, legal trouble, I will be there 24/7 as a lawyer.
NACHO: What’s your angle?
SAUL: No, no angle. And I’m not saying anything about this to anybody. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a client, this is consultation, and everything you just told me is privileged.
NACHO: You rat, you die.
SAUL: And that too, yes.
Nacho takes a pen and writes a phone number on Saul’s matchbook.
NACHO: For when you figure out you’re in the game.
Nacho walks out.
SAUL: I’m not in the game, I promise.
END EPISODE
