22. Hell No 2 Cell Phones

(Bridge)
Fuck these things, all of them, don't trust these things, all are damned

I'm cursing these verses, this piece of shit's worthless
I'm about to field goal kick this fucking thing, curses
They make the simplest things into something so hard
Its bogus-ass battery all acting like it won't charge
Stop correcting me you smug asswipe, WRITE IT DOWN
Won't let me like I'm Fletcher & this is Liar Liar now
This endless shit, restrictions like censorship
Fuck this censor shit, SEND THE MESSAGE BITCH
Technology is so faulty, it fries & I'm so salty
Free wireless? Ain't no wi-fi. Why the shit do I try?
I regret you like marriage, this thing is sure failin'
So dense, no sense like Sarah Palin, crashin', derailin'

(Chorus)
They keep tellin me "VECT, get a cell phone."
I snap back with my reply "Fuck that, hell no!"

I know it's a phone damnit, but it's pushing me dawg
This explains the nightmares I have about Steve Jobs
Yes, real talk he chases me explaining models.....& I beg him to please shut up & stop
I'm screaming like Chris Farley, YOU IDIOT PUKE FUCK!!!!
Anger issues, I blame this machine that's worth 2 bucks
Can't even get a connection & pay all this $ for this?
I was in the middle of a voice mail, stupid thing keeps starting me over, rude bitch
Too much power in technology it'll turn against us
Any brilliant solutions when they take over? We're then fucked
Fuck a 3, 4, 5S... [Lost signal] ...ABC down to the XZY's
No, you can't find me
Running like dog shit, or not at all in a different vicinity
So, that "R" stands for retard, yeah, keep on bullshitting me
Everyone's heads up are their phones cunts, jackassed slaves
Chuck it @ the wall give it to my dog for a thrash toy, here Maggie May
This son of a bitch blacked out & yes, it's charged
Funny how they dare call them smart phones, they're total 'tards
Upgrade, you think, but it's more like downgrade
Fragile cheap piece of crap, ain't all that, how fake
(Bridge)

These things fail conclusively
It is nothing new to me
T-Mobile is so loco
These lies with Verizon
Dubious scammers in this business make it so defective
Lies in every commercial, full of shit, like septics
It's backwards because it won't grant even a simple task
Stop taking all our payphones you assholes, give 'em back
A feeble product is what they are, these deals are like land mines
I'm done with this idiot nonsense, I'm gonna stick with a land line

(Bridge)