Chorus:
Caffeine in the morning, alcohol at night
Nicotine between the meals to curb my appetite
Oh, I’m not in denial, I’m perfectly all right
Caffeine in the morning, alcohol at night

I take Ambien at bed time, it helps me fall asleep
Tired of staring at the ceiling
I’m too old for counting sheep
But I’m sleeping like a baby, no more bags under my eyes
I’ll be paying for this Ambien as long as I’m alive!

Chorus:
With my caffeine in the morning, alcohol at night
Nicotine between the meals to curb my appetite
Oh, I’m not in denial, I’m perfectly all right
Caffeine in the morning, alcohol at night
When I’m feeling frisky there’s a bottle in the drawer
Now I don’t leave my woman disappointed anymore
Like the man in the commercial, I’m just grinning ear to ear
And my wife and I we get along better than we have in years!

Chorus:
With my caffeine in the morning, alcohol at night
Nicotine between the meals to curb my appetite
Oh, I’m not in denial, I’m perfectly all right
Caffeine in the morning, alcohol at night

We bitch about the health care and there’s reason to complain
But we’re afraid of socialism, so we bitch about the change
Me I’m not much on politics, it's medicine I love
I don’t care who gets the bill no more, I just want the drugs!