[Verse 1: William I (Farnaby)]
I'm William the Conqueror, my enemies stood no chance
They call me the first English king, although I come from France
1066, the Domesday book, I gave to history
So fat on death my body burst, but enough about me
To help remember all your kings, I've come up with this song
A simple rhyme and ditty, for you all to sing along, oh...
William!
Bit short, innit? We need more kings! Who came next?

[Verse 2: Henry I (Baynton), William I (Farnaby), Henry II (Howick)]
William second, cheeks were red
Killed out 'unting, so it's said
I took over, Henry one
That's my next eldest son
Then came Stephen, it's true, check it!
I, Henry two, killed Thomas Beckett
Richard Lionheart? That's right!
Always spoiling for a fight
Oh King John, what a disaster
Rule restrained by Magna Carta

[Refrain: All so far]
William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
[Post-Refrain: Henry II (Howick)]
Time for my mate, King Henry eight, to take up this song

[Verse 3: Henry VIII (Willbond), Henry V (Rickard), Elizabeth I (Howe-Douglas)]
Henry three built the abbey
Ed one hated Scots
A red hot poker killed Ed two, that must have hurt him lots
Edward third was a chivalry nerd, began the hundred years war
Then Richard two was king aged ten
Then Henry, yes, one more
King Henry four, plots galore
Not least from Henry five
Moi? I killed ten score at Agincourt
Then Henry six arrived (Waaa!)
Edward four, Edward five
Richard the third, he's bad
'Cause he fought wars with Henry seventh
First Tudor and my dad
So Henry eight, I was great
Six wives, two were beheaded
Edward the sixth came next, but he died young and so my dreaded
Daughter Mary ruled, so scary
Then along came...
Me!
I'm Liz the first, I had no kids
So Tudors RIP
[Refrain: All so far]
William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two
Then three more Henrys join our song
Edward, Edward, Rich the third
Henry, Henry, Ed again
Mary one, good Queen Bess

[Post-Refrain: Elizabeth I (Howe-Douglas)]
That's me, time for more men

[Verse 4: Elizabeth I (Howe-Douglas), Charles II (Baynton), Victoria (Howe-Douglas)]
James six of Scotland next
As English James the first he led
Then Stuarts ruled, so Charles the first
The one who lost his head
No monarchy until came me
Charles two, I liked to party
King Jimmy two was scary, woo!
Then Mary was a smarty
She ruled with Bill, their shoes were filled
By sourpuss Queen Anne Gloria
And so from then, you were ruled by men
'Til along came me - Victoria!
[Refrain: All so far]
William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two
Then three more Henrys join our song
Edward, Edward, Rich the third
Henry, Henry, Ed again
Mary one, good Queen Bess
Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then
Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

[Post-Refrain: Victoria (Howe-Douglas)]
Still to come, it's Queen Victoria

[Verse 5: George IV (Howick), Victoria (Howe-Douglas)]
And so began the Hanover gang
George one and George two
Grim!
Then George the third was quite absurd
'Til I replaced old him
King George the fourth and known henceforth
As angry, fat and cross
Hang on!
It's true you beat Napoleon
But were mostly a dead loss
Bang on!
Old William four was a sailor
Ahoy!
It's nearly the end of the story-a
As onto the scene comes the best loved queen
Hail to Queen Victoria!

[Refrain: All]
William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two
Then three more Henrys join our song
Edward, Edward, Rich the third
Henry, Henry, Ed again
Mary one, good Queen Bess
Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then
Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria
George, George, George, George
Will, Victoria
Victoria, Victoria, Victoria

[Post-Refrain: Victoria (Howe-Douglas)]
I ruled for sixty four years, you know

[Verse 6: Victoria (Howe-Douglas)]
Ed seven, George five
Then Ed, George sixth
Liz two then reigned and how
And so our famous monarch song
Is brought right up to now

[All]
Oh...
William, William, Henry, Stephen
Henry, Richard, John, oi!
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two
Then three more Henrys join our song
Edward, Edward, Rich the third
Henry, Henry, Ed again
Mary one, good Queen Bess
Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then
Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria
George, George, George, George
Will, Victoria
Edward, George, Edward, George six
And Queen Liz two completes the mix

[Outro: All]
That's all the English kings and queens
Since William first that there have been