INT. CAMP

There's a group of celts around a bonfire drinking

CELT #1: 100 Roman soldiers lay dead on the beach, who'd slayed them? I am the greatest warrior who has ever lived!

OTHER CELTS: Yeah!

CELT #2: Warriors! Hey, how's it going? I bring tidings of great victory. Surely there is no other warrior in the land who can match me, huh?

CELT #1: I am the most fearsome warrior to walk the lands of the living (pulls out sword) so I think we've got a problem.

CELT #2: I think there's only one way to settle this.

OTHER CELTS: Boast battle! (begin beatboxing)

[CELT #1]
So let's clear the air, grab a chair,
I've got flair, when I fight a bear
I rip off its skin for my wife to wear
I did it for a dare, I'm your worst nightmare
Look close, check out my facial hair

[CELT #2]
Relax, face facts
A fight with you would be an anticlimax
When you go to war, you don't take off your slacks
Look at me, I'm tough, I fight in the buff
I could say more but I've said enough so...
[OTHER CELTS]
Boast Battle!

[CELT #1]
Have some grace, shut your face!

[OTHER CELTS]
Boast Battle!

[CELT #1]
Cause, Braedon boy, you're well off the pace!

Seems to me that you're not even skilled
I could fill a lake with the blood I've spilled
I decorate my house with heads of men I've killed
I'd stab you right now but I'm trying to chill.

[CELT #2]
Yeah, you got a brain but you've just got one,
I've got five on my belt from the battles I've won
In a rage, on a rampage
I've killed more men then old age so...

[OTHER CELTS]
Boast Battle!
[CELT #2]
And I've only just begun!

[OTHER CELTS]
Boast Battle!

[CELT #2]
And I'm not even done!

[CELT #1]
You're just killing the enemy, that's lazy
I kill my own people, I'm that crazy
I go berserk and my eyes go glazy
I get so mad I could stab a daisy
(but I won't 'cause that would be stupid).

[CELT #2]
Alright, alright, stop!
Think a while!
Look at your style, man, that's vile!
You look like you've been dressed by a reptile
You're a steaming pile, I'm dressed like a king
I wear a torc round my neck when I'm doing my killing
And on my finger, I'm wearing a ring
When I said I fight n*** I wasn't counting my bling! Yo!
[OTHER CELTS]
Boast Battle!

[CELT #2]
Oh! And I paint myself blue!

[OTHER CELTS]
Boast Battle!

[CELT #2]
That is way, way cooler than you!

[CELT #1]
So much better than you that you ought to bow
I'd offer to fight you but you wouldn't know how
Enough with the talk, yeah, let's end this now
I can sum it all up in just one word... (stabs CELT #2)

CELT #2: Oww! (runs away) Mum!