[Intro]
Everyone thinks they know the story of Dick Turpin's highway glory
But my past is far more gory; was no saint
You think life is one big antic
My profession is romantic
Hate to be pedantic, but it ain't
(Huh!)

[Verse]
As a butcher down in Essex, I was handy with a knife
Had a sideline as a poacher; led a less than honest life
The notorious gang of Gregory liked my style and dedication
They signed me up and gave me areal robber's education
We rampaged through the Essex farms
We stole and robbed and fought
But when the law came for us, I escaped and they got caught

[Chorus]
I became I highway man
Was daylight robbery (Huh!)
I was no Prince Charming
Nothing dandy about me (Huh!)

[Verse 2]
The truth is, I was violent
And with my good mate, Matt King
Robbed travelers at gunpoint; money, watches, anything
My horse, it wasn't called Black Bess, although that's what you've read
Was no romantic hero
Shot not one but two men dead
The legend that surrounds me misses out the crucial part
I was a ruthless killer with a ruthless killer's heart
[Chorus]
Was a vicious highwayman
A source of pain and tears (Huh!)
When you hear how my story ends
You won't believe your ears (Huh!)

[Verse 3]
I ran away to Yorkshire
Changed my name to John Palmer
Was sent to prison after stealing chickens from a farmer
Wrote a letter to my family; a plea it did relate
The postman saw the envelope, and here's the twist of fate
He had taught me how to write, so he'd knew I'd lied
"That's not John Palmer's hand, that's Dick Turpin's!" he cried

[Chorus]
Was a vicious highway man
My crimes had brought me fame (Huh!)
Was stitched up by a postie
That's not glamorous, that's lame (Huh!)
No more stand and deliver
You'll remember this, I hope (Huh!)
It's no fun hanging with highwaymen
When you're hanging from a rope