[Cowboy 1 (Willbond)]
(spoken) Howdy. You know what you need to be a genuine cowboy? Cows. You ain't herding cattle, you ain't no cowboy

Well I'm a real live cowboy
Just a quiet, humble fella

[Cowboy 2 (Martello-White)]
That's what we're like, apart from Mike

[Cowboy Mike (Rickard)]
Yeah, I'm more of a yeller!

[Cowboy 1]
Sing songs to pass the evenings

[Cowboy 2]
And because it soothes the herd
So they won't stampede

[Cowboy 1]
Unless Mike sings lead

[Cowboy Mike]
And shouts every single word!

[Cowboy 1/2]
Mike!
[Cowboy Mike]
Sorry!

[All]
Cause we're cowboys, real live cowboys

[Cowboy 1]
Not like the ones you've seen on your TV

[Cowboy 2]
We've never held up banks at all

[Cowboy 1]
We're poorly paid

[Cowboy Mike]
And kind of small

[All]
If you still wanna be a cowboy

[Cowboy 1]
Stick with me

On your horse for eighteen hours
[Cowboy Mike]
And that saddle sore's a curse

[Cowboy 1]
Then you feed your horse

[Cowboy 2]
And yourself, of course

[Cowboy Mike]
Though beans just make it worse

[Cowboy 1]
Then you're back driving cattle

[Cowboy 2]
That's what being a cowboy means

[Cowboy 1]
Moving those beasts from west to east

[Cowboy Mike]
Sorry, it's the beans!

[All]
Cause we're cowboys, real live cowboys
[Cowboy 1]
Not like the ones you've seen in the movies

[Cowboy 2]
We're not big hunks like that John Wayne

[Cowboy 1]
Cause our horses would complain

[All]
If you still wanna be a cowboy

[Cowboy 1]
Join us please

You should be aware
We have some customs that are strange

[Cowboy 2]
Like saying howdy and not hello
When you're out here on the range

[Cowboy Mike]
Never touch a cowboy's hat

[Cowboy 1]
Never ride his horse

[Cowboy Mike]
So what if I took your old mare?

[Cowboy 1]
Well, I'd shoot you, of course

[Cowboy Mike]
Fair enough

[All]
Cowboys, real live cowboys

[Cowboy 1]
Not like the ones you see on silver screens

[Cowboy 2]
We didn't go out starting fights

[Cowboy 1]
Cause unions fought for our rights
Now Mike will do a solo thanks to beans!

[Cowboy Mike]
How was that?

[Cowboy 1/2]
It stunk!

[Cowboy 1]
And now, my friends, I fear
That the end is drawing near

[All]
Cause we only ruled the range for twenty years!