Fairy cakes, baby ducks, warm winter mittens
Snowflakes on puppies and cute cuddly kittens
One of these might be your favourite thing
But not me, it's scary that makes me go zing!
Hee-hee-hee!

Smallpox and scurvy and fatal diseases
Lesions and lurgy, I like to hear wheezes
Of bogies and poo I just can't get enough
Yes, that's just a bit of my favourite stuff

Scary, hairy
Things that go bump in the night
Slimy, grimy
I love all that stuff that gives you a fright!
Boo!

Emperor Vitellius being dumped in Rome's sewers
Brandings with iron for Tudor wrong-doers
Aztecs with thousands of skulls on a rack
Amateur executions - hack, hack, hack, hack!
Pharaohs all buried with their bottom-wiper
Roman deodorant made from a viper
Burke and Hare stealing from Edinburgh's graves
Yes, these are a few of my personal faves
Creepy, weepy
Do I prefer pustules or boils? Hmm
Spooky, kooky
Some of my best friends look like gargoyles!

William the Conqueror's exploding body
A gutsy performance, a funeral most oddy
Ivan the Terrible stealing a bishop's togs
Sewed him in bear skins and let out the dogs

When I'm feeling just a bit mis
Standing at death's door
I simply remember what makes people barf
And then I just laugh loads more

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hee-hee-hee-hee!