[Napoleon (Howick)]
(It's the One Emperor of the French, King of Italy, Co-Prince of Andorra... You guessed it, it's me! Napoleon Bonaparte!)

Hello Paris, I burst through the door
Now everybody lift your jaws off the floor
You act like you've never seen your emperor before
It's Napoleon and I'm back for more
I've just escaped from exile on Elba
Where they called me the "Caged Monster"
They say I'm short and I've got little hands
But check out my massive battle plans
Yes, we've got to go to war one more time
Against who? Everybody, but don't worry, we'll be fine
Just fighting to get back what's rightfully mine
Which is everything I conquered the first time

King Louis whatever
He ain't got nothing on me
The greatest Frenchman ever
Come to war with me
French people, my subjects
I brought you success
Women used to make me nervous
But in battle I'm the best

(Napoleon Bonaparte, Napoleon Bonaparte)
I didn't come to party
I came to get nasty
(Napoleon Bonaparte, Napoleon Bonaparte)
Just got to win at Waterloo
Then I'll get back to ruling you
You say I'm cocky, maybe I am
It's not my fault, it's my pituitary gland
Or maybe my ego, but I tell you what is true
I'm a military genius and my army love me too
Can barely ride a horse, but not for want of trying
I'd say it's not my sore bum but I would be lying
There was the British, and the Dutch, oh, and the Prussian army
But that's OK - the Prussian leader's barmy

[Gebhard Leberecht von Blücher (Farnaby)]
I'm pregnant with an elephant!

[Napoleon]
See what I mean?
But I really need to win before they get on the scene
Can't pray for rain to stop, don't believe in God
If it carries on much longer we'll be stuck in the mud

I got a hundred days
And I'm back up in this
We're outnumbered, yes
But we can win this
Sure, I'm a little fat
And it hurts when I pee
But don't worry about that
I'll lead you to victory, baby
(Napoleon Bonaparte, Napoleon Bonaparte)
I led the French army
I wasn't really that tiny
(Napoleon Bonaparte, Napoleon Bonaparte)
Look out world, wait and see
You're about to see the best of me
(Napoleon Bonaparte, Napoleon Bonaparte)
Just got to beat Wellington
Which almost nobody has done
(Napoleon Bonaparte, Napoleon Bonaparte)
And I'll go down in history
Cause Waterloo's my destiny