[Verse 1]
Big man, pig man
Ha ha charade you are
You well heeled big wheel
Ha ha charade you are
And when your hand is on your heart

You’re nearly a good laugh
Almost a joker
With your head down in the pig bin
Saying “Keep on digging”
Pig stain on your fat chin
What do you hope to find
When you're down in the pig mine?

[Refrain]
You’re nearly a laugh
You’re nearly a laugh
But you’re really a cry

[Verse 2]
Bus stop rat bag
Ha ha charade you are
You fucked up old hag
Ha ha charade you are
You radiate cold shafts of broken glass
You’re nearly a good laugh
Almost worth a quick grin
You like the feel of steel
You’re hot stuff with a hatpin
And good fun with a hand gun

[Refrain]
You’re nearly a laugh
You’re nearly a laugh
But you’re really a cry

[Instrumental]

[Verse 3]
Hey you, Whitehouse
Ha ha charade you are
You house proud town mouse
Ha ha charade you are
You’re trying to keep our feelings off the street

You’re nearly a real treat
All tight lips and cold feet
And do you feel abused?
You gotta stem the evil tide
And keep it all on the inside
[Refrain]
Darling you’re nearly a treat
Darling you’re nearly a treat
But you’re really a cry