[Intro skit before song – Teacher and young Corey talking]
(Teacher:) Corey! Corey! Corey! Pay attention!
(*Students giggling*)

What's this? Pink Floyd? The boy fancies himself a musician!
(*Students giggling*)

Hmmph! It's rubbish. Now what did I just say Corey?

(Corey:) We don't need no education?
(*Students giggling*)

(Teacher:) That's gramatically incorrect, so apparently you do need some education...
(*Students giggling*)

School is no laughing matter. Do you know what we teach in these walls?

(Corey:) How to fix a car, pay your taxes, ace an interview, perform first aid, manage your insurance, cook healthy meals, or do household repairs?

(Teacher:) Preposterous! We pay other people to do those things. We teach important things you need to know how to do in life. Like algebra, trigonometry, physics, geology, sex ed...
(*Students gasp*)

...Oh, that's right. You all have letters saying you don't need to learn that. Well, it shouldn't be too important. Especially in the case of that kid.
(*Students giggling*)

Do you laugh at everything? Well, anyway – continue to act like the oppressed, and me the oppressor. Rock albums really seem to eat that shit up...
[Intro rant – Vampire shouting]
Welcome to high school, where all the teachers are monsters! I know it looks like they want to teach you something, but they don't! They just want to eat you up – because we're evil bloodsucking vampire things! Muh-hahahaha!

[Verse 1 – Nostalgia Critic singing/ Vampire shouting]
We need more victimization
(There are no good teachers! Not one! Not even by accident!)
We need more stuff to rebel
(We don't want to help you – we just want to eat your blood, and suck your brains!)
The war educations system's broke
(Wait, maybe it's the other way round? I don't know – I got a high school education! Muh-hahahaha!)
This is pandering like hell...
(Remember that one teacher who seemed cool? He wasn't! He was all part of the plan!)
Hey! Who cares? All this bitching sells!
(Remember that one teacher who seemed really kind and gave you candy?)

[Chorus – Nostalgia Critic singing/ Vampire shouting]
Well oh well – we got another hit in The Wall
(That candy was really sugarcoated children's souls!)
L-O-L, so school sucks – grow a damn pair of balls
(Children's souls! We're so evil! Muh-hahahaha!)

[Verse 2 – Female vocal/ Vampire shouting]
New cool visualizations
(It's all part of my secret plan, to make sure you'tr more likely to get a job when you're older!)
Milking your gloom and pity
(Muh-hahahaha! How terrible is that! Muh-hahahaha! Muh-hahahaha!)
You hated school, who the hell didn't?
(It's like those '90s commercials, where all the adults looked like bad guys!)
What's next? Hating DMVs?
(Except they weren't '90s commercials – they were mini documentaries! It's all true! Hahahahaha!)
Hey Waters, leave it on FB!
(We really don't see what makes Cinnamon Toast Crunch so great!)
[Chorus – Female vocal/ Vampire shouting]
All in all, complaining doesn't mean much at all
(Because we're old! Muh-hahahahahahaha!)
But who cares? It's still a damn cool song in the wall
(Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm a teacher! Blah, blah, blah, blah.)

[Intermission – Female vocal/ Vampire shouting]
We still need more persecution
(Hahahahahaha! Ahahahaheheheha!)
They don't need to hear you can't
(Stop your laugh!)
What a unique voice to say school's lame
(*Thunderclap*)
Thanks for the long winded rant
Hey! Twitter! Post those angry chants!

[Outro skit – Nostalgia Critic, female student, male student]
(Female student:) Wait, time out. Is this really a World War II reference?
(Male student:) No, it's just a bunch of kids being herded onto a train, to a horrible torturous building... Ohhh!
(Female student:) Yeah, we're really comparing this to high school?!
(Nostalgia Critic:) No, no, it's just meant to look weird and creepy. They're not implying... that.
(Male student:) I don't know, I don't think there's a way to not connect that.
(Nostalgia Critic:) Aw, come on. They're just saying school sucks. They're not making any connections to that... Now let's go onto the next song, that talks about the horrors of World War II. Oh, crap.
(Female student:) See...
(Nostalgia Critic:) It's just a coincidence, maybe? I don't know... Bye.