[Intro: Marvin Yagoda]
Welcome to Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum
Known from coast to coast like butter and toast
From headlines to bread lines
From schoolrooms to pool rooms
No other place in the contiguous United States
Or other environs of the world, welcome

[Verse 1: Rob Cantor]
Can I get a T? ("T")
And if you hit me with the A-L-L-Y, then you'd see
Why the Hall is here for y'all
The mini-mall is calling us all in
So kids, pack up your mom's car, back up the Windstar
Kick it in drive and arrive at the mega mart
Slide the side hatch with pride 'cause your ties match
On booty duty like your name was Eddie Thatch' (Yarrgh)
W-W-T-H-D?
We like to kick it at the university
But all work and no play makes us crazy
So we jump in the bumping SUV
Hit the street, get the sweet tunes on
Do a donut on your mama's front lawn
And sooner than you know, you've found the rock 'n' roll show
At the Tizzy Hizzy, we'll be gone
[Chorus 1: Joe Hawley, Rob Cantor, Zubin Sedghi]
We're in the mini-mall
Working the carnival
We like to play it all
Welcome to Tally Hall

[Verse 2: Zubin Sedghi, Joe Hawley, Marvin Yagoda]
"Who's to blame?"
The automated players, I proclaim
Yellow tie, this suave fellow writes
Heterophonic tunes of how love bites
Red, the proud loud guy we adore
"Is my amp too high?" "No, turn it up more!"
So Grey in the back, sippin' 'gnac can hear
He's knockin' down the shots like Bill Laimbeer
Send home the locksmith, Green's got keys
To unlock the rock in the act if you please
Now open the case, give Blue the bass
And jiggle your badiggle all over the place

[Chorus 1: Joe Hawley, Rob Cantor, Zubin Sedghi]
We're in the mini-mall
Working the carnival
We like to play it all
Welcome to Tally Hall
We're in the mini-mall
Working the carnival
We like to play it all
Welcome to Tally Hall
[Verse 3: Joe Hawley with Zubin Sedghi]
Can I get a click?
Flick off the switch and we'll ignite the night in pitch
Singin' songs you like to hear, and the world will disappear
Then we'll be glowing in the dark, lighting up the park
Revealing that the Hall is the place that aims to please
With unpredictable games and antiquities
The collectibles so delectable
The unreliable style's undetectable!
Like I might rap like an English chap
Take you by the knickers and a bum you'll slap
You didn't think we had the gall
Well, bloody welcome to Tally Hall!

[Bridge: Joe Hawley]
We're stereosonic, we're animatronic
We're rappin' with the robo-electronic ebonics
A quick distraction, a mechanic attraction
Got a penny in your pocket for the slot?
(Rock!)

[Pre-Chorus: Joe Hawley, Rob Cantor]
Hey, ho, don't'cha know?
It's a good old-fashioned puppet show!
That's right, quite the set
We're the marionette quintet
[Chorus 2: Joe Hawley, Rob Cantor, Zubin Sedghi]
We think we're playing in a band
But we'd love to give you all a hand
Woo!

[Chorus 1: Joe Hawley, Rob Cantor, Zubin Sedghi]
We're in the mini-mall
Working the carnival
We like to play it all
Welcome to Tally Hall

[Chorus 2: Joe Hawley, Rob Cantor, Zubin Sedghi]
We think we're playing in a band
But we'd love to give you all a hand
We think we're playing in a band ("Yarrgh!")
We'd love to give you all a hand
We think we're playing in a band ("Ah!")
We'd love to give you all a hand