[Chorus: The Wattersons]
Here he comes, the Vermin Man
He's always ready with a trick or a scam!

[Verse 1: The Wattersons]
With his one black eye and his pointed nose
And an outfit straight from 80s cop shows
He's a liar and a rogue and a sponger and a thief
He'll take away your happiness and fill you full of grief

[Chorus: The Wattersons]
Here he comes, the Vermin Man
He's always ready with a trick or a scam!

[Verse 2: The Wattersons]
He's a no-good husband and a deadbeat dad
If he disappeared for good, then we'd all be glad
His face is gross, his manner is brash
If you split him down the middle, all you'll find is trash

[Chorus: The Wattersons]
Here he comes, the Vermin Man
He's always ready with a trick or a scam!

[Interlude: Frankie & Granny Jojo]
Where's the candy?
There isn't any, just garbage to symbolize how rotten the Vermin Man is on the inside
[Bridge: The Wattersons]
Got a hole for a soul and a heart like a knife
He let down his child and wife
Never, ever marry him, he'll ruin your life
The Vermin Man

[Outro: The Wattersons]
He's always ready with a trick or a lie or a con or a hustle
Or a hoax or a fraud or a racket or a sham
Or a diddle or a fiddle or a scam!