Venus: A-one
Jupiter: Two
Mercury: Three!

Venus: When you think you've got a problem
And your life is full of doubt,
Venus and Mercury: Remember in the scheme of things
Your life just doesn't count!

Jupiter: To you, a leaf might seem quite small,
Jupiter and Saturn: But to an ant, it's ten feet tall.
Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Venus and Mars: It's hard to be objective,
So we'll offer some perspective

Planet: You think there's nothing greater than the planet you call Earth
But Earth can seem quite skinny next to Neptune's mighty girth

Neptune: [spoken] Oi!
Earth: [spoken] Relax!

Planets: 'Cause when you think you've got a problem
If you're thinner or you're fatter
Remember in the scheme of things
Your life just doesn't matter

Now the Sun can make us all feel small
'Cause he's the biggest of us all
But that's just in the Solar System
Bigger things than that exist
The Milky Way, the galaxy
And don't forget the universe
Mars and Venus: That's just the ones we know about
They're huge compared to you or us

Uranus: You're tiny and you're miniscule, irrevelant, a speck
Upon the dark side of that rock, you're just a measly little fleck
Your life may last a century on Earth, or maybe quicker
But up here, a hundred years is just a flash, a blip, a flicker!

Mercury: So
Venus: when
Mars: you
Think you've got a problem
When your life is full of doubt,
Remember in the scheme of things
Your puny, little, tiny, weeny,
Meager, futile, worthless, teeny,
Boring, foolish, pointless, minimal,
Wretched, gloomy, bleak, and pitiful
Life just does not count!

(Reprise)
[4.75 billion years later...]
Planets: ...life just does not count!
Sun: You remember those kids from 4.75 billion years ago

Sun: They were right
(Sun explodes)