And so this fella said to me
"You should invest in property
You wanna double your money
And be a little more like me"

Another day, another test
Another angry cyclist
He says "Get your mutt upon a lead"
Then he shot off at double speed
(What a fucking hero)

Everybody is an expert these days
I'll do me, and you do you, come on!
Everybody is an expert these days
I'll do me, and you do you, yeah!
Everybody is an expert these days, yeah

This chubby fella in the gym
I'm on me sit-ups, getting trim
He said "That's not how it's done at all"
His belly's hanging round his balls (the cheeky cunt)

He could have been flirting
I couldn't be certain
I was too busy laughing at him
Trying to tuck his shirt in
Everybody is an expert these days
I'll do me, and you do you, come on!
Everybody is an expert these days
I'll do me, and you do you, yeah!
Everybody is an expert these days

Sent to try us
And in the middle of a virus
Why would anybody wanna seem pious?
These hazy days
That leave you wondering
If there's no song that fits
Why not sing any old shit?

Michael Phelps can barely swim
If you compare him to a dolphin