[Verse 1]
The school Christmas party is coming
We ain't doing rugby no more
McIntyre's teaching us waltzing
Out on the gymnasium floor
Out on the gymnasium floor

[Verse 2]
McIntyre's out of the army
You'll be slippered if you get it wrong
McIntyre's dim, looms loud in the gym
And we've only got our little shorts on
We've only got our little shorts on

[Chorus]
And it's 1, 2, 3, 2, 2, we're all a disgrace
McIntyre tore us apart
And we danced with ourselves
When we'd all found a space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our hearts

[Verse 3]
Comes the day of the final manoeuvres
All of our heads are a whirl
It's getting much closer to D-day
This time we're gonna do it with girls
This time we're gonna do it with girls
[Verse 4]
In the arena, the ladies were waiting
A twelve-year-old partner to guide
Some matches were fixed, the rest of us mixed
And a fat girl got left at the side
A fat girl got left at the side

[Chorus]
And it's 1, 2, 3, 2, 2, we're all a disgrace
McIntyre tore us apart
And we danced with ourselves
When we'd all found a space
Waltzing with fear in our hearts
Waltzing with fear in our hearts

[Bridge]
When you come to my fights
And I am under the lights
And you see that my footwork is false
Don't count me out at the start of the bout
I'm just doing the secondary waltz
Doing the secondary waltz