Well you say you only watch documentaries
And that bad cold you’ve got, that’s the flu
And that book that you foisted upon me
I’ll never read it, will you?

Did you play in the Garden of Eden?
Were the goalkeeper’s gloves to you tossed?
‘Cos it seems to me you’re the reason
You’re the reason why Paradise Lost

Was it you who invented the school run
At the Laboratoires Garnier, Gaul?
And is it you who’s to stone for the motorway cone
Barry Venison and Davina McCall?

Did you play in the Garden of Eden?
Were the goalkeeper’s gloves to you tossed?
‘Cos it seems to me you’re the reason
You’re the reason why Paradise Lost

Ah regain it for me Rodney

Well we’ve both seen your personalised reg plates
And it’s not the worst crime I agree
But we both know full well that it really should spell
T-W-A-T-O-N-E
Did you play in the Garden of Eden?
Were the goalkeeper’s gloves to you tossed?
‘Cos it seems to me you’re the reason
You’re the reason why Paradise Lost