You may have to rescue me
From limestone quarries frequently
Those corporate stunt shows you attend
You’ll never get asked back again
Say!
Hello spinal curvature
Get used to the mirthless furniture
Now we’ve kissed I’ve written this list
I thought you ought to know

Them’s the vagaries
Them’s the vagaries
Them’s the vagaries
Them’s the vagaries
Them’s the vagaries
Them’s the vagaries

Well I’ll not sit backwards on the train
I can’t say I’ll always flush the chain
And what I call pleasure you may call pain
I’m talking five-day tests
Prepare to lose your dignity
As I ride to victory
Down the aisles at Tesco
Wearing nothing much at all
Ancient pack-horse bridges we’ll avoid
Marijuana bores must be destroyed

Bin men thin men lexicographers
Squid yes, not so octopus
Egg sandwiches on coach trips in June
I simply won’t be there

No way joke shop excrement
Don’t say the light show’s excellent
It makes you smell of the laboratory instead of a
Fan of the band

Them’s the vagaries…
Oh Brit Pop, turquoise, chips with apricot
Sheepskin nose-band, kids in Aldershot
You point to finches in my yard and you ask:
What’s them things there?

Them’s the aviaries
Them’s the aviaries
Them’s the aviaries
Them’s the aviaries
And I’ve been saving these
Things just for you
For you
For you
For you