I'm the man that you need on the day that it rains
I'm the wiser advisor on capital gains
I'm the lowlife pretending to look at your drains
I'm a bogus official
Don't let me in

I'm the police, I'm the clergy, I'm Measures and Weights
I'm the chap doing the survey on alley gates
I need to know where you'll be on the following dates
'Cos I'm a bogus official
Nice dress

Courteous, friendly, jolly, and fat
With a smile saying, "Look, I know it's under the mat
I don't give a fuck about your missing cat"
B-O-G-U-S official