Come see the townsfolk keenly gathered round the gibbet
They've got a book of five hundred cloakroom tickets
See what they've gone and done
To the trendy mother from the sitcom
When she said "Penny for 'em?"
To her teenage son, who was staring into space

Comedy hypnotist, when you wake up you'll be me
And you'll walk to the side of the road and you'll see
All the cars and the lorries and the buses and vans
But to you, they'll be like mmm savoury snacks
When you're feeling really hungry
You can just step out and eat one, go on
You know you want to

Runrig with special guest Mike Peters
Red and white, black and white, blue and white bandanas
See what we've gone and done
To the band who got a bit pompous
They called their fan club an Information Service

Agony Aunt if I had the arse of a crow
And the wings of a sparrow, and you were below
Sitting on park bench in memory of
Bad dreams with a girl you've loved the most of your life
With an IRN DJ, at an A&R showcase
A&R showcase
PRS, PRS, PRS yearbook (quick the drawbridge, quick the drawbridge)

PRS, PRS, PRS yearbook (quick the drawbridge, quick the drawbridge)
PRS, PRS golf weekend, I used to think that you had to attend