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Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride
It was a natural state of affairs
It was a quiet ambition of hers
She had a room overlooking the lawn
It was a perfect August morn
And with a crossword clue in her head
āOrigin of Speciesā read
King Jamesā under the bed
No broken bones, no gaping wound
About 10 centimetres wide
No sword protruding from her side
Itās just like Dr Forbes implied
Old age killed my teenage bride
She didnāt care for adrenaline sports
Never learned any difficult chords
Did she ever have a scrap with a bear?
If she did, I wasnāt there
And yesterday at a hundred and one
She had a shower, cup of tea and a scone
And just as āCash In The Atticā came on
Such sweet delight upon her face
No armed response team stood outside
No torso washed up on the tide
It could not be more cut and dried
Old age killed my teenage bride
And when she reached her centenary year
They gathered round her wanting to hear
All the tips on staying the course
She said, āAt 21 I got a divorce
And I hold no particular creed
Iāve never coveted things I donāt need
Under ladders I walked without fuss
āCos it stopped me getting hit by a busā
And she turned to the children at her side
And said, āTake the good and the bad times in your strideā
And, āAbseil for no one.ā Then she died
Seems old age killed my teenage bride
Teenage bride
My teenage bride