Tedious people, tiresome town
Under the gaze of the mayoral frown
Always calm with a gentle breeze
Tarkus in black vinyl please
What would you do
If the sexton’s wife from the best-kept village nearby came running
With bells round her neck and said
You’d better move away, tomorrow or today
‘cos when the owl starts laughing
We will all fall down
There’s an outbreak of Vitas Gerulaitis on the way

Why it’s Mr Kowalski
It was you all along
That ski lodge would have been mine
If it wasn’t for you meddling kids
But what can you do
When your Mum’s in Rampton, bouncing off the walls
And singing “Who’s afraid, of Virginia Wade?”
Why do that today when you can always put it off until tomorrow?
Was our motto
Subsequently engraved on a plaque
As a reminder of the attack
Of Vitas Gerulaitis

We all fall down
We all fall down
We all fall down
We all fall down
Who’s afraid of Virginia Wade?
Who’s afraid of Virginia Wade?
An outbreak of Vitas Gerulaitis
In the town
In the town
In the town
In the town
We all fall down