[Verse 1]
Good Guy Shoes done took over control of me
I tried to fight it off, but these shoes got a hold of me
I stood up, grabbed my Nerf pistol off the shelf
Then headed out the front door to wreck somebody's health
I walked over to James, he was chilling with his dame
I roughed him up a little bit and jacked him for his chain
Pulled out my Nerf gun so he didn't do a thing
Then I winked at him and told him "You ain't never out of range
When the drama starts, Nerf gun goes bang
Bang, bang, bang, bang, Nerf gun'll leave you slain
When I go insane, Nerf bullets start to rain
So what you want, mayne, your life, or your chain?"
I walked off with his chain in my hand
Left James looking scared with poop stains in his pants
I screamed back "Bro, I don't know what's going on!"
Then I turn around and grinned like an evil leprechaun

[Chorus]
Hearts, stars, and horseshoes, clovers and blue moons
You'll become a bad guy when you wear the Good Guy Shoes
You'll put them on your feet, and then you won't know what to do
When you wear them Good Guy Shoes

[Verse 2]
I tried to take the shoes off, but they wouldn't budge
For a second I would be myself, but then I would be Doug
Staring people down, wearing a mean mug
Walking through the streets like a red-headed thug
Then who could it be but that big fool, Big Blue?
I told him "Give me all the cash, and the kicks, too
Cooperate, this is the only chance I'll give you
And if you call the cops, I know exactly where you live, boo!"
I walked away screaming "Bro, that wasn't me! That was Doug!
Please help me get these shoes off of my feet!"
But Big Blue was scared senseless, I left that fool defenseless
I was living on the fringes, coming off the hinges
Now I had beef with Big Blue, and James, too
Thinking to myself, "Why did I ever want them dang shoes?"
I wanted them bad, thought they would make me cool
But now my hair is red, and I'm acting like a fool
[Chorus]
Hearts, stars, and horseshoes, clovers and blue moons
You'll become a bad guy when you wear the Good Guy Shoes
You'll put them on your feet, and then you won't know what to do
When you wear them Good Guy Shoes

[Interlude]
So there I was, walking through the streets in them stupid Good Guy Shoes
Possessed by the evil spirit of Doug, the Irish Thug
Then, I came across the only person in the streets who could bring all this to an end: Giant Jimmy

[Verse 3]
Then I came across that old fool, Giant Jimmy
Then I approached him and I told him, "Son, you best not get lippy
Anything you got, well, son, you best give me
And let's make it quick, I ain't trying to get friendly"
Then he pulled a switchblade and began to stick me
Then he pulled it back out and he put it back in me
I was losing lots of blood, I was getting dizzy
He must have stabbed me forty times, maybe even fifty
I looked down and the knife was sticking out my chest
But it wasn't over yet, now you gotta hear the rest
He took a step back, put up both his dukes
And threw a mean uppercut and knocked me out my shoes
I returned to normal since the shoes were off my feet
And Jimmy turned around and just went walking down the street
I swallowed so much blood, I was feeling sick
Now I had to go home and throw away them evil kicks
[Chorus]
Hearts, stars, and horseshoes, clovers and blue moons
You'll become a bad guy when you wear the Good Guy Shoes
You'll put them on your feet, and then you won't know what to do
When you wear them Good Guy Shoes

[Outro]
Good Guy Shoes
Why are you so evil?
You caused me so much trouble
I gotta put you in the trash
Good Guy Shoes
I wish I never met you
Because now I just hate you
I gotta put you in my past
Good Guy Shoes